The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas
by AkatsukiMemberWoolfy
Summary: Mello was right, it was all my fault. I deserved to get beaten like a dog. I deserved not to go to Heaven. I deserved to die. Matt's life from birth to death. Contains MattMello, lemons, not really romance, depressing persona, death and character death.
1. Part 1

**The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas**

**Part One**

My name is Mail Jeevas, and I was killed when I was 19 years old on the 26th of January, 2010. It was a Sunday, 6 sleeps away from my 20th birthday.

Heh. I have just ruined the ending of this story.

But why did I die? And if I could narrow my life down to a single moment, what would be the good in knowing the event which lead to my death now?

I already died like a dog.

…

It makes me feel tropety…Which is a word you will find out later on.

But wouldn't it be interesting to have my life written down in words? Maybe it would give a bit of meaning to my existence…It would be remarkable, I guess…If my life could really be called remarkable…

This isn't based on a true story…This _is_ a true story.

You know how you forget things, such as days and dialogues? Not me. Not anymore. I can recall my entire timeline if I wanted to, giving every exact detail down to the date of each incident.

I guess if I were to go through my entire past, it would trick my self into believing that I was alive again…

Of course I can't tell you every single second of my life, or else you would be listening to me for over 19 years. Almost 20, actually. So I guess I shall say about fairly significant days of my past…Maybe with the odd insignificant one just to make my story seem more realistic…

Realistic? Can that word even be used to describe the world I lived in?

No. My world was anything but realistic…Ever since I was little, my life has been one large adventure…It makes me sad that some people wish that their own lives could be just as thrilling. All I have to say to those in the audience whom wish this…Be careful.

There were four angels in my life that shaped me into who I became. It was mostly my fault that these four died, actually. Yeah. More or less.

Mummy. Mercy. Marie. Mello.

My four angels…My four dead angels…

…

Maybe I should begin with the day I was born…

-x-

February 1st 1990.

I can remember that I didn't shed a single tear when I was born. Of course while I was alive, I couldn't remember my first few moments outside of my mother, but now I can remember every single breath of new air I took.

I was tired and I didn't like my new surroundings. People were rubbing me with a weird thing I would later know as a 'Towel'. The doctors seemed confused as to why I refused to cry. They were probably afraid for my life, or their jobs. It probably depended on the individual as to what they were more afraid of losing.

I heard a voice, but I didn't know what it said at the time since I had no idea of languages. I now know that the male had harshly stated "Hand the runt to me."

The nurse whom had been holding me seemed to shrink back from the dominating man, but she quickly gave me to him.

I remember looking up at my father with my innocent dark blue eyes. He didn't look much like me, except his hair was the same colour that mine hinted to be. A bright apple red. The man's eyes were a hard, sharp green. I hated him immediately. My little voice began to echo from my throat as I started to cry.

A feeling of relief swept through the room. My father passed me abruptly back to the nurse. She took me and tried to soothe my unknown woes. My voice soon quietened down and she wrapped me in a blue blanket.

"I'm sorry about your wife, sir…"

"I don't need your pity."

My mother had died during child birth. Maybe if she had survived, then I wouldn't have been killed when I was 19…No, that wasn't the moment my life was changed…

It still would have been nice if she hadn't of died, I guess. Who really knows?

I never learnt about my Mummy. Even to this nonexistent day, I haven't the slightest idea. I liked to daydream about her, though. Still do. A beautiful angel, with eyes an even darker blue than my own and long, golden curls. With a voice comparable to an angel's, and a personality just as angelic. Was this image fake, or was it exact? I shall never know.

My first Angel, Mummy. 

"I'm leaving the runt here for a few days. I'll pick him up soon." The man turned and was about to leave, when the nurse whom still held me stopped him.

"But sir, we need a name to go on his birth certificate!"

The man was momentarily stopped. He didn't look back at me or the nurse when he became the first person to know my real name.

"Mail Matthew Jeevas."

With those three words out of his lips, he left.

That was the last time I ever saw my father.

He never came back to the hospital. I don't know whether he just forgot I existed, didn't want me at all, or even if he had died.

The nurse whom had held me soon adopted me, and became my legal guardian. She herself was fairly young, only 21 years old. Ironically, her name was Mercy.

I never did find out her last name.

-x-

December 27th 1996

I was 6 years old when Mercy was killed. She had gotten me a ball for Christmas, along with a Game Boy Colour. I was told to play outside with the ball for an hour, or else she wouldn't let me play with my new gaming device for the rest of the day. She was out the front gardening, and I was playing a mere 4 metres away.

I remember that she would grow the most beautiful roses. The ball she had given to me was flawlessly round and perfect for kicking up into the air.

I accidentally kicked it too hard and the ball bounced out of reach. It leapt along the grass and rolled out onto the road. I quickly ran after it.

Maybe if I had looked both ways, she wouldn't have died…At that time anyway, seeing as all humans die at some point in their life. At the end of it.

I didn't see the black car as it drove towards me. Mercy did. Before I knew it, I was suddenly being pushed forward. I fell clumsily onto the road, scrapping both my knees and the palms of my hands.

My six year old self didn't cry at the pain, choosing to ignore it. I stood up, looking around to see who the culprit was. What I saw traumatised me.

Mercy lay on the ground, a pool of runny red blood circling around her head lazily. Her right leg and left arm were bent at impossible angles. She was face down on the pavement, the car standing still at her left.

Even then I didn't cry, I just stared.

A woman got out of the black car, seeming just as terrified. What was she so scared of though? The fact that she was now a murderer, the fact that her car was now damaged, or that she might actually go to jail. She looked at me with her small grey eyes.

"You, boy, go call an ambulance!"

I nodded bravely and ran back across the road over to my house. When I came back, both the black car and the lady were gone. Mercy still lay there untouched on the road where she had been killed.

People are horrible creatures.

I had called the ambulance, already knowing that it was too late.

This event was probably what gave me my fear of the outside world. I learnt at an all too young age that humans were truly disgusting. I mentally became locked in my own little world, a place of ignorance, imagination, and innocence.

My second Angel, Mercy, was now dead.

It would be years until someone actually broke me out of that tiny box, and it would be painful…Julia…Why Mello? Why did you kill her…?

Oh. I am getting ahead of myself. I'd apologize, but I am not allowed to.

-x-

January 1st 1997

Mercy's relatives hadn't been able to take care of me, so I was being sent to an orphanage in Winchester, England. It was supposedly a place for gifted children, though I couldn't see a reason why I was being sent there.

In one hand I clutched my beloved Game Boy Colour, while the other hand dragged my bag along the Airport's smooth flooring since my arms were too small to the carry the large bag off of the ground. I was abruptly stopped by a man halting right in front of me. I looked up at the figure I would come to know as-

"Hello there, my name is Quillsh Wammy. It's nice to meet you Mail."

I blinked up at him, and gave him a soft happy smile. I immediately liked him. He wore a black suit and a bowler hat. Wammy had an air of kindness and tradition around him. He also smelt of sugar and old books.

"Would you like me to take your bag for you?"

I gave a quick nod and he took the heavy rucksack from me. He took my small hand with his free one, leading me out of the airport.

"Mail, is it okay if people call you Matt from now on? At Wammy's, we do not use real names." I looked up at him, confused. "It is a special orphanage. Is that okay?"

I gave him another smile and a soft nod, giving approval to the name 'Matt'. He smiled softly back at me, leading me into an odd, roundish car. I crawled into the back seat, and he closed the door behind me, making his way into the driver's seat.

I looked around the interior of the car. The seat was soft and smooth. Now that I look back at it, the seat was made of leather, though at the time I had no idea what it was. Heh, irony…Oh wait, you won't get the irony part yet…Forget what I said.

"So, what do you have there?" I looked down at my Game Boy Colour, and then lifted it carefully into the air so he could see it in the rear-view mirror. "Well isn't that a neat little device?" I nodded in response, pulling it back to my chest.

The car rumbled soundlessly into life and began taking me towards my new life, and my new problems.

You may have noticed by now, but I couldn't talk. Nobody could understand why I couldn't. The reason was because I just didn't want to. Words were harmful things. I could understand English very well, so I knew exactly what others were saying.

I chose not to be harmful.

Wammy seemed to know about this, as he did not ask me any questions which required verbal answers. He continued to drive the odd car, and I began to play on my precious Game Boy.

-x-

We soon arrived at the orphanage. Wammy got out of the car and opened my door for me. I took a step out and looked up at the large building.

"Here, let me show you to your room."

Wammy lead me through the pristine hallways. There were no other kids around, but I could hear laughter coming from outside. The fatherly figure led me up a flight of stairs. After we passed a few doors, he stopped outside one which was tinted a soft honey yellow. The plaque on the room read '26'.

"This will be your room."

My fingertips gripped softly onto the golden door handle, turning the knob neither slowly nor eagerly. The door creaked open, revealing a very clean and bright room beyond. Sunlight shone through the open blinds, bathing the room softly with its yellow glow. The place smelt of books and something else which I couldn't put my finger on at that point in time.

There were two neatly made beds, wooden floor boards, a large wardrobe and two desks. One of these was absolutely cluttered with papers, books, and weird foil wrappers.

Wammy pushed me gently, encouraging me to take a look around. I walked in, and moved straight to the cluttered desk. The books were huge. Wammy placed my bag down on the bed closest to the door. That probably meant that that bed was going to be mine.

"There are kids outside if you want to go and try to make some friends." I looked at him with my large blue eyes, shaking my head softly. "I am sorry, but you should probably go outside for a bit of fresh air after that long plane trip. You can bring your Game Boy if you wish."

I gave a soft pout and a miserable nod. He led me out of the room, taking a different route to the back door of the orphanage. As we walked, Wammy named different rooms. Library, bathroom, cafeteria, music room, class rooms, and laundry room. Eventually, we reached a large door. I could hear the children excessively by this point. Wammy opened the double doors for me.

"Good luck, Matt. I have some work to do, so I will leave you to yourself now. Try to make a few friends."

I gave a woeful nod and toddled out into the big world beyond the safety of the doors. The children seemed to take no notice of me at first, but as I walked forward, I felt eyes catching onto my movements. Studying me. Determining whether I was a threat, their prey or simply neutral. My feet did not speed up nor slow down as I continued to walk. None of the children called out to me. They would take a sharp glimpse at the new kid, and then went back to their fun. I disappeared from their sight behind a large tree which sat near the back of the play area. It was shady and seemed safe enough.

I began to contently play on my little gaming device, taking my mind off of the children's laughter.

"Who are you?"

I blinked and looked upwards at the new figure that I would come to know so damn well in my future.

Looking back now, I can say that it was that exact moment that my life took a turn for both the better, and for the worst.

Later, I would know him as my fourth Angel, Mello. Mihael Keehl.


	2. Part 2

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 2

The boy seemed to be around the same age as me. He had short, blond hair which curled inwards at the tips. He wore black pants, a baggy black shirt, and he wore no shoes. There was a sharp, cruel glint in his eyes.

This was the day when I met Mihael Keehl. Of course, at the time, I had no idea how important he would be in my future.

I felt his critical stare at me as he tried to work out if I was a threat or a friend.

I gave a small wave at him and then continued to play on my game.

"Hey! Don't ignore me!" The boy stormed forward and snatched my Game Boy from my clutches. I blinked down at my empty hands, and then looked up at the boy, confused. He dangled my precious gaming device in the air. "Come on! You want it? Come and get it!"

I just continued to stare at him dumbly, not making a single move. The kid seemed to just want to get into a fight.

A few seconds ticked by, and the boy seemed to get annoyed from my lack of reaction. He dropped my Game Boy on the ground carelessly and moved towards me. The blond grabbed my white and black striped shirt, hauling me up into the air. He pushed me fiercely against the tree, glaring hard with his cold blue eyes.

"Come on! Fight me you little runt!"

I blinked at him, remaining passive and soundless.

His glare deepened, and the next thing I knew he had punched the left side of my face. I fell to the ground, clutching instinctively at the dirt and grass below me.

"Get up!"

I looked up at him and his bawled fists. The sight was terrifying. I bravely stood up, bringing a hand to my now swollen cheek.

"Now come on! Be a good Dog and fight me!"

I continued to stand there passively and in pain. The next thing I knew I was clenching my gut, once more falling to the floor.

"COME ON! FIGHT ME!"

The blond's screams had drawn the attention of the curious children. They circled around us, chanting "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT" continuously. I stood up once more.

A few seconds passed and again I was on the ground. I would surely have a black eye by now.

"GET UP!"

Trembling, but still strong willed, I made myself stand once more. The boy was about to hit me again, when suddenly a large hand grabbed onto his wrist.

"Mello." I looked to see a man with a calm exterior. He had white hair circling the edges of his scalp, the top of his head being completely bald. He had bushy white eyebrows and a pair of glasses on over his small, gentle, eyes. "What have I told you about beating up others?"

Mello glared up at the man. "But Roger! He was ignoring me!"

The man, whom I now knew as Roger, looked over at my small, worn out figure. I was panting with a slight string of saliva running down from my parted lips, clutching the left side of my face and gut. "Oh, you're the new child that Wammy told me about." He looked back at Mello. "Matt here can't talk."

The blond blinked at the man, and then back at me. A sneer formed on his face. "Oh great, just what this orphanage needs. A retard."

Roger looked at one of the girls who had gathered in the crowd.

"Linda. Take Matt to the sick bay."

"Oh, right." She had curly piggy tails and light brown hair. Linda wore a purple jumper and a long skirt. She quickly made her way over to me.

I took several steps forward and painfully bent downwards, picking my beloved Game Boy Colour up off of the dirty ground. The image had frozen but it still appeared to work.

Mello was dragged unwillingly off with Roger. Linda smiled at me softly.

"Sorry about Mello, he has some anger issues." I gave a slight nod in response, managing to softly smile at the girl. "So you really can't talk?" I shook my head slowly. "Well that's okay! Come on; let me take you to the sick bay. I'm Linda, by the way. Nice to meet you, Matt."

She helped me walk back to the orphanage, guiding me towards the nurse's office.

-x-

Of course, other things happened that day, but none were as significant…Well, until after I was done in the nurse's office. She couldn't do much since I had no open wounds, except for a swollen cheek, a black eye, and a dark bruise on my stomach area.

I had been given an ice pack for my face, and had a lie down on the bed in the room.

It had soon turned dark outside, and the nurse told me that I had to go to my room. I nodded softly and stood up off of the bed, giving her the ice pack soundlessly. I clutched my precious Game Boy in my other hand and exited the room.

The once bright halls were now sinister, but I began to hunt my way towards my new room none the less. I eventually found it, running my hands over the engraved plaque which read '26'.

The lights were on inside the room, so I guessed that my roommate was both there and awake. I wondered to myself what they would be like. After a few seconds, I opened up the door.

Sitting at the cluttered desk was none other than Mello.

The blond looked up, dimly surprised. He saw me in the doorway, and gave a sneer. "So you're my roommate? Oh great, I gotta share a room with a runt."

I blinked at him and walked bravely inside, shutting the door softly behind me. I walked soundlessly to my bed, sitting up on the soft sheets cross-legged, beginning to play on my game. The blond rolled his eyes and turned back to his studying.

A soundless hour went by between us. Eventually Mello gave a sigh and stood up. I looked at him as he grabbed a piece of paper from his desk, along with a pencil. He sat on the edge of my bed and put the paper and pencil into my lap, covering my game.

I frowned down at it but managed to hit the pause button before looking back up at him.

"You can write, can't you?" I blinked at him, and gave a slight nod. "Okay, so tell me what your name is."

I looked down at the paper, picking up the pencil. In neat writing, I wrote the name 'Matt', showing it to him.

"I'm Mello. How old are you Matt?"

I went back to writing, holding it up when I had finished.

**I am 6, but my birthday is on the 1****st**** of February**

"I am 7; my birthday was on the 13th of December. Now, what is 2 plus 2?"

**4**

"Why can't you talk?"

I thought for a few seconds, before writing on the paper.

**Because I don't want to hurt people**

Mello frowned at my writing. "How does that hurt people?"

**Wo****rds are hurtful**

"Not all the time."

**Better safe than sorry**

Mello frowned. "Fine, then just say my name. That isn't hurtful."

**Mello****w**

"My name doesn't have a 'w' at the end, and I said say it, not write it."

I shook my head softly. He frowned at me. "Come on, just say my name."

I didn't really like that he was trying to force me into doing something that I didn't want to do. I had never known someone to fight against my wishes so much. No one had ever tried to force me to talk before…

I shook my head again. Unlike earlier, he kept hold of his composure.

"Come on, it's not that hard. Mello. Mel-lo." He made exaggerated mouth movements, trying to get me to say his name. "Mel…Lo…"

I blinked at him calmly once more, shaking my head bravely.

Mello frowned at me. "Come on. Just say my name."

I opened my mouth slowly, but then closed it.

Why was he being so persistent about this? Then again, why had he been so persistent about fighting him earlier…?

I looked into the blond's cold blue eyes. There was still that nasty glint in them, and I had a feeling that would never go. I was right.

I began putting together the puzzle which was Mello. He was persistent; I could figure that out already. Was he trying to prove something to himself? Maybe I should humour him…

"Come on! Say something!"

I picked up the pencil, and wrote on the paper once more. 'Mello'

He gave a sigh. My fingers ran along the paper, beginning to fold it slowly. Mello watched as my fingers transformed the paper into an origami crane. I held it out towards the blond, who took it slowly. He blinked at it for a few seconds, before glaring down at it.

"Whatever, I'm going to bed."

He stood up and crushed the little fragile bird in his fist. I frowned softly and picked up my Game Boy Colour. I saved the game and turned it off, placing it meticulously onto the bedside table. The room went dark as Mello turned out the lights without any warning. I kicked off my shoes soundlessly, placing them down on the floor next to my bed. Still in my normal clothes, I crawled under the soft covers, laying my head down on the spongy pillow. It was so comfortable. I soon became sound asleep.

-x-

January 14th 1997

"Matt…About these test scores…"

I looked up at Roger. He was holding 3 sheets of paper. I tilted my head to the side questioningly.

What about them?

He coughed into his fist. "Well…You scored… 27 out of 30…"

I frowned at him.

What's the problem with that?

"You scored the 3rd highest in the class, just behind Mello and Near…And I asked Mello if you had studied, but he said all you have done is played on your Game Boy…Did you…Cheat on this test?"

I blinked at him and shook my head.

No.

"…Okay then…I just needed to ask…"

He turned and left me alone. I yawned softly and went back to playing my game.

"Hey, mute."

I frowned at the disturbance, looking upwards once again to see a familiar blond.

"We gotta go to choir practise." I tilted my head at him. "Yeah, I know you can't speak. It's mandatory."… "Stop arguing already, idiot!"

I gave a pout and stood up. Mello was catching on to my body language, substituting each movement as a form of verbal speech. We were actually becoming friends slowly but surely. Our relationship, however, was just like my voice.

Unheard, yet still somehow there.

I stood up and turned off my Game Boy Colour. He twisted around and walked up the stairs, with me following slowly at his heels. Wammy's was a large place and I had to rely on Mello a lot to stop myself from becoming lost. We made our way to the choir room, where the singing teacher already was. It was my first choir session.

The female teacher looked at us as we entered, since we were the last ones there. "Mello! You and your friend need to get into position! You're already late."

Mello led me into the second row of the choir group. I looked around the room to see similar children. They looked at me briefly before looking back at the teacher.

"Okay students. From the top."

She gave a few conductor motions before the voices of the children began to sing.

"I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do you? It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king, composing 'Hallelujah'."

I looked around at the singing children. Even Mello was joining in the peaceful song. The uncracked voices of youth rose up high for the sorrowful tune. I could not follow the journey they took as I remained silent.

"Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair, and she broke your throne and she cut your hair; and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah."

The song sung to my many sorrows, taunting me with its beauty. It made me despise humans more than I did before, yet at the same time it made me pity their poor, sinful, souls.

"Baby I've been here before, I know this room, I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah."

The voices of angels seemed to join within the symphony, making each word weigh heavily upon my small shoulders. I wished that I could join in with them, but I knew I could not.

I don't know which idea would be the more absurd. Me actually singing, or trying to pose myself off as an angel.

I would never sing Hallelujah, nor would I ever sing to their false God. When I did finally sing, many years later, it was to my own Lord. He was called Kira.


	3. Part 3

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 3

"Baby I have been here before, I know this room, I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah."

The voices of angels seemed to join within the symphony, making each word weigh heavily upon my small shoulders. I wished that I could join in with them, but I knew I could not.

I soundlessly sung along within the confines of my mind.

"Well there was a time you would let me know, what's real and going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you? I remember when I moved in you, the holy dove was moving too, and every breath we drew was Hallelujah."

I felt so sad and alone inside my small box.

"Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who out drew you…It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken-"

"STOP STOP STOP!"

The voices abruptly stopped singing. The angels I had seen disappeared, turning once more into the children which they were.

"YOU THERE!" The angry women pointed right at me. "WHY AREN'T YOU SINGING?"

I blinked at her silently. How could I tell her th-

"He cannot talk, Miss. It is highly ridiculous to believe he could sing when he does not even have a voice."

I looked over to the boy whom had spoken. He was on the opposite side of the group to Mello and I, and he stood in the front row. The boy was just as pale as I was, with hair a bright white colouration. I knew him as being called Near. He never went outside either, choosing to always stay inside to play with his toys. Near never had to study, just like me, and yet he was number one.

I already knew that he and Mello were not on particularly good terms.

A few of the kids looked at me, almost surprised. They mustn't have known about my speech 'impediment' yet.

"…" The teacher blinked at me. "You really can't talk?" I shook my head in answer. "…Well in that case you may go." Her words were met with another shake of my head. She frowned at me. "You don't want to go?"

"What is it, Matt?" Mello blinked at me and I blinked back. "He says that he wants to stay here and listen to our singing." I nodded and wondered if Mello could actually read my mind.

"Well…Okay then…Let's take it once more from the top."

She gave a few hand gestures and the angels began to sing once more.

I closed my eyes and listened to their elegant chide upon the human race.

-x-

February 1st 1997

My 7th birthday was mainly spent in the nurse's office. Mello had tried once more to make me speak, and this time he hadn't been able to keep his composure. I frustrated him because I would not talk, and he ended up punching me a few times.

The nurse was a kind middle aged lady. She had bright orange hair which was always held back into a tight ponytail. Her name was Alisa. She smiled at me softly, holding an icepack to my bruised cheek.

"Happy Birthday, Matty."

I liked her. She was always sweet, caring, and genuine.

I managed to smile at her in gratitude, ignoring the pain in my cheek.

When she died, she was going straight to Hell.

To this day, I wonder if her real name really was Alisa…Probably not, considering that Alisa is an anagram for Alias…Who really knows?

"I got you something." I blinked at her with my large blue eyes. "A lollypop!" She held the treat out to me with her free hand. I took the colourful swirl into my small fingers, blinking down at it. Another smile managed to grace my lips. I liked Lollypops.

My unsteady hands ripped open the plastic covering and I put the lolly into my mouth, happily sucking on the treat. A bright smile then graced my lips as I took the lolly by the stick, pretending it was a cigarette. Back then, I knew what a cigarette was from movies and posters, but I had not known at the time that they were deadly.

Alisa laughed. I smiled even wider, ignoring the pain of my cheek. I continued to innocently pretend that the sweet was actually tobacco laced.

It was probably this memory which made me take up the habit of smoking when I was older, since this was one of my happiest childhood memories.

Sad, isn't it?

The swelling in my cheek had eventually gone down, leaving me with just a sickly, purple, bruise on the left side of my face.

"Okay, Matty, you're free to go. Roger has told Mello off, but you still need to be careful."

The reason Mello would always hit me so much, was because I would never stay down. I was very stubborn, still am actually…Well…Until I died, anyway…

Every single time Mello would knock me to the ground, I would always get back up. This would always make the blond even angrier at me, causing him to punch or kick me again. It was a cycle which wouldn't stop until either Mello got tired, or someone broke us apart.

Since I had no voice to cry out for help with, someone would rarely be there to break up the one-sided fight.

"Wait a second, Matty…" I turned around to look at Alisa. "If you want, I could tell Roger to put you in a different room. What do you think?"

I blinked at her, and then smiled once more. I shook my head and turned to leave.

Why would I want to change rooms? Mello and I were getting along alright. It wasn't my fault that he was persistent, nor was it his fault that I was stubborn.

Neither of us was ever in the right, and never were we in the wrong.

I found my way to our room, opening the door slowly. Mello was there waiting for me.

He looked up as I entered, and then looked back down at the floor.

I smiled at him. He looked back up at me, and then gave a weak smile as well. "Happy Birthday." Mello leaned forward, pulling a box from underneath my bed. I watched curiously as he held it out for me to take.

My feet took a few cautious steps forward, and my hands took the box from the blond. I blinked at it, sitting down on my bed next to Mello.

"It's nothing big, I asked one of the caretakers if they could get them for me since we can't leave Wammy's on our own."

I opened up the plain box, blinking down at the present Mello had gotten me.

"They're called 'Goggles'. You wear them over your eyes like glasses."

My hand made its way into the box, fishing out the brand new eyewear. I looked at them with my large blue eyes, blinking slightly. They had silver frames, a large black elastic cord, and oddly orange lenses. I put them over my head, and they immediately fell around my neck.

"They need adjusting. Here." Mello took hold of the small buckle on the side of the pair of goggles, making it tighter. He pulled them up over my eyes and closed the clasp, the accessory fitting almost perfectly around my head. "There. How's that?"

I blinked and looked around the now orange tinted room. With them on, I couldn't see out of the corners of my eyes, but they were cool none the less.

I smiled at Mello and flung my arms around him, bringing the blond into a grateful embrace. The other seven year old prodigy was still for a few seconds, before innocently hugging me back.

We held each other for at least two minutes.

I smiled up at him brightly. He smiled back at me, his eyes catching on to the purple mark which bruised the left side of my face. Mello's smile dropped and he quickly pushed me away, standing up.

"Whatever, I have to study."

I quickly grabbed a clean paper and pencil from the side table, scribbling on it rapidly. Mello looked back as I held up the paper.

**Thank You, Mello**

He looked at the message for a few seconds, before brushing it off and sitting down at his desk. Mello opened one of his many large books and began to read.

I frowned slightly, placing the paper down on the side table once more and picking up my beloved Game Boy Colour. Without another thought, I flicked on the switch and soon became lost in the imaginary world of the game, seeing it now through a new orange shade.

-x-

1st January 2000

The new millennia…

…

Nothing exciting happened on that day; I just thought that I should include it since it was bound to be special for some people…

-x-

15th September 2000

"DAMMIT!"

I looked up as Mello started angrily pacing around the room. We were both 10 years old, and expectations were growing for the both of us.

The blond looked over at me, and I tilted my head to the side. Mello could tell exactly what I was asking.

"IT'S THAT STUPID, FAT HEADED NEAR! NO MATTER WHAT I DO, I CAN'T BEAT HIM!" I blinked at him slowly from behind my orange goggles. "Stop saying that! It is IMPORTANT that I beat him! I want to be just like L! No…I HAVE TO _SURPASS_ L! I WILL BE NUMBER ONE!"

L.

He was our mentor. Our inspiration. Our God.

Everyone at Wammy's wished to one day be like him…Except for me, of course. How could I possibly be like him if I couldn't even talk?

L was the world's greatest detective.

I once met him, you know? But it will be a while until I tell you about the occasion as I am telling you this story in chronological order to make it more realistic. He called me Jealous, and he was probably correct. Oh. I am getting off topic. You'll find out everything in due time, just be patient.

Mello and Near were in a never ending battle to become his successor. The blond would work hard, and the albino didn't even study. I should say now that this fight was entirely in Mello's head.

I looked back down at my Game Boy Advanced, which I had gotten for Christmas last year from 'Santa'. Of course, I knew that it was actually from Quillsh Wammy, but I wasn't going to spoil the world for the other children. Wammy was actually a famous inventor. I have no idea of what it was that he invented exactly, all I know is that whatever it was had made him a very wealthy man.

"You wouldn't know about that, I guess, now would you _Jay_?"

We had been lettered. Mello, Near, and myself. This was supposed to be a special sign that we were close to our mentor, L, but I just saw it as us becoming labelled.

Near had been dubbed N. His real name was Nate River, as I found out years later.

There had been some debate as to who would be M. It could either be me or Mello. They gave the title of M to Mello, seeing as he was the second best while I was only third. They called me J. I wasn't at all fussed with the letter I received, but Mello would always rub it in my face that he had been given the M.

I gave a soft yawn, continuing to play my game. A few seconds went by and Mello stopped pacing. I looked up at him once more, and I knew he was thinking.

"Hey, Matt…" He looked over at me, critical expression. "How is it that even though you don't study, you always manage to get 3rd top in every single test?" I blinked at him softly, and made a slight meaningless gesture with my right hand. "Hey! I listen in class as well!" I looked down at my game, and then back at him. "You did not just call me dull!" I smiled at him innocently. He sighed dramatically and sat back down at his desk. "Why did I even bother asking?"

There is a saying. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Mello does lots of work. I on the other hand always play. Does that make us dull? I think that Mello is anything _but _dull.

The reason that I scored so well on tests was because I had a photographic memory. Maybe that is why I can remember everything so clearly now…

_(__Flashback)_

_I looked down at the test paper. These questions would probably be hard to a normal 10 year old, but they were easy for me. I could answer every single one correctly. It was easy really, I just had to remember back to the lesson we learnt about each topic, and I would just read what had been written on the board. My memory was something quite unique._

_I looked over to my right. Mello sat there, glaring critically at the paper in front of him. He seemed to be struggling._

_I looked back down at my paper, calmly answering each question. I purposely answered two of these incorrectly. That would leave plenty of room for Mello to beat me, and I knew that he would._

_Finished with my test in record time, I began to stare out of the window at the bright yet cruel world beyond the glass._

_(__End of Flashback)_

Life is boring unless you make it fun. But don't make it too fun by doing dangerous things such as being in a high-speed car chase, or practically raping your best friend.

Take it from me, it's not worth it, as you'll find out in due time.


	4. Part 4

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 4

July 4th 2003

Mello and I were now 13 years old. Time flies, does it not? Some significant events probably did happen during these large time skips, but none I feel are significant enough to be mentioned.

This was a joyful day for most the children of Wammy's house. Even for me the day started out good.

We were going to have a 'Conversation' with L.

Mello and I wandered into our normal classroom to find all of the desks, except for the teachers, were gone. A new table had been set up with a computer sitting on the clean surface. Children were idly sitting around it.

Mello slipped me a piece of folded paper. I blinked down at it, and then looked back at him. He moved to the right wall, leaning against it. In his hand he held a chocolate bar.

Have I mentioned his addiction yet? I'm almost certain that Mello cannot even go a day without a bar of chocolate.

I moved closer to the laptop, noticing that an L written in Old English Font sat neatly upon the screen.

L.

I leaned over to get a better look.

"_And tha__t is the reason I don't like socks."_

The children laughed.

The voice was synthetic. I looked at the door to see Near walking into the room, carrying 2 jigsaw puzzles and 3 Rubik's cubes. He looked at the computer screen for a few seconds, before making himself comfortable on the wooden floor. He began to put together one of the plain white puzzles, looking back at the screen from time to time.

I looked over at Mello, who was watching the monitor carefully, eating his chocolate as he listened.

"_Whose question is next?"_

A few of the children put their hands up, including me. The computer was silent for a few seconds.

"_Matt."_

Huh? He actually knew my name?

I opened up the piece of paper Mello had given me and showed it to the screen. There must have been a camera attached to the computer. How else would he know that I had put my hand up?

"_W__hat is the reason I solve crimes?"_

I looked down at the note and then back at the computer, nodding with a smile.

"_First I would like to say…It's not a __sense of Justice. Figuring out difficult cases is my hobby. If you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes. The same way you all like to solve mysteries and riddles, or clear video games more quickly…" _

Video games? Now he had my complete attention…

"_For me too, it's simply prolonging something I enjoy doing. That's why I only take on cases that pique my interest. It's not Justice at all. And if it means being able to clear a case, I don't play fair, I'm a dishonest, cheating Human being who hates losing…"_

I felt a sudden sense of despair.

L…The one whom most of us at Wammy's considered as a God…was nothing but a human…He was no better than the rest of us…

I gave a slight, bitter, nod.

"_Whose question is next?"_

I lost all respect for L that day and I'm sure I wasn't the only one. My eyes moved over to look at Mello and Near. Even through my orange lenses I could see the nasty looks in their eyes and I knew that, unlike me, their respect for L had only grown with his blunt, bleak honesty.

-x-

November 28th 2003

…Actually, there was not really anything special about this day…I don't even know why I'm including it…Maybe something important happened, just not to me…

I don't know.

-x-

December 5th 2003

Kira.

Word of the mass murderer had reached even our young ears.

"Oh please, L will easily take him down!" I looked at Mello, tilting my head questionably. The blond sneered at me. "You wouldn't understand _Jay_. L will easily kick this Kira guy to the curve!"

I hate L. Part of me wants Kira to kill him.

Mello sighed and rested down on his soft bed, giving a yawn.

"You'll see. We won't be hearing the name Kira for much longer!"

I now wish that I had been just as optimistic as Mello…

How was I to know how important L was in my life? He was the box which protected me from the outside world which I feared so much. Of course, it was too late when I finally realised this.

-x-

June 12th 2004

Mello and I were now 14. Kira's killings had abruptly stopped for the past 12 days.

Had L captured him at last?

I wasn't sure whether I wanted Kira to be captured or not. He was killing off the criminals. Crime rates had diminished. Everything was getting better with the world…

Would Mello hate me if he thought that I actually supported Kira?

"Hey, Matt." I looked up from my Game Boy Advanced SP, blinking at my best friend. Mello sat down on the bed, seeming to be lost in thought. "Do you think L has beaten Kira?" I was motionless for a few seconds, but I eventually shook my head slowly. Mello nodded doubtfully. "Whose side are you on?"

A few seconds ticked by, but I soon gave a smile. I put one hand up and pointed at my blond best friend.

Mello blinked at me. He then gave a soft, genuine smile, and ruffled my red hair roughly. "Good boy."

Even I have to admit, Mello wasn't a very good friend, but he was the only person I had left. I had no mother, I had no father. I had nobody except for Mello…

Wow, my life really sucked.

At least he had stopped hurting me, and he had even given up on trying to make me talk. So much for being persistent…

-x-

June 17th 2004

Kira had begun killing again.

Wammy's house had gone pretty quiet. Everyone feared for their God. I, on the other hand, continued my life as I always had.

"Matt…" I looked up at Roger, tilting my head to the side. The man sat down on the staircase next to me. "Why don't we make a deal? If you get 100% in the next test, then…I will get you your own laptop."

I blinked at him. My own laptop?

There was a computer in the library, but it was slow and old…

I smiled at him but shook my head.

Roger blinked down at me. "…You don't want to beat Mello?" I shook my head once more. He looked at me solemnly, before standing up. "You have great potential, Matt. I wish you would use it." With those words, he turned and walked back up the stairs.

I watched him leave, not really thinking about what he said. My attention was soon brought back to my game and I was once more lost into the false world of fun and triumph.

-x-

November 6th 2004

It was raining outside. All 3 of my Game Boys lay idly on the bedside table. I sat at the top of my bed, watching the rain pour down in the outside world. My goggles sat coldly on the bed sheets, next to my bare feet.

L was dead.

I don't know how I knew…I just had this feeling…Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

How would the other children react when they found out their God was dead?

…How would Mello react?

I looked over at the door as it was opened by said blond. Mello walked in and looked around.

"Why are the lights off?" As a response, I tapped on the glass window. "You're watching the rain?"

I swear that Mello knew me better than anyone else ever had and ever would.

He walked over to me and crawled onto my bed, looking out the window as well.

"It's nearly winter…I wonder if there will be snow…" I gave a slight shrug and leaned back against my best friend. "L is okay…isn't he?" After a few seconds, I gave a nod against his chest. Mello was quiet for a few seconds, before giving a smirk. "Yeah, of course he is."

I gave a soundless yawn and closed my eyes. The rain continued to fall in the outside world, but inside I was safe. I soon drifted off into a peaceful, innocent, sleep.

-x-

December 1st 2004

There had been no news whatsoever on the death of L. That either meant that L really wasn't dead, or that they were covering it up.

I knew for a fact that the latter was the reason. The news would come any day now.

L was dead.

-x-

December 5th 2004

I was sitting on the staircase as I usually did. Children were running to play outside since the sun had come out from its hiding place behind the clouds. The time would be brief, but the children didn't mind.

I watched as Roger walked solemnly down the hallway. Mello was currently teasing one of the younger orphans, ruffling his hair irksomely.

Roger took hold of Mello's wrist.

"Mello…"

"Huh?"

The man looked over at Near.

"And Near, come to my room."

The albino was currently putting together another white puzzle. "Yes."

They all walked over to the stairs. Roger looked at me for several seconds, before walking up the stairway. Mello simply shrugged at me, and Near just ignored me altogether.

Once they had gone, I stood up and turned my precious Game Boy Colour off without even bothering to save my game. I walked up the stairs and then I walked into my shared bedroom. I closed the door behind me and sat down on my bed, placing my gaming device down on the table. Patiently I sat there, waiting for Mello to return.

How would Mello react to the fact that his God, mentor and future was dead?

-x-

The door was suddenly opened, revealing a fuming blond.

"He's dead…L is dead…" I looked down at the floor. "You knew, didn't you?" I continued to look at the floor. "…I'm leaving Wammy's." Mello walked into the room, slamming the door behind him. He moved over to the wardrobe, grabbing his rucksack and beginning to chuck some clothes into it.

I soundlessly stood up off of the bed and moved in front of the door, blocking his escape route.

"Well, I guess this is-" Mello stood up and turned, seeing that I was standing in front of the door. "…Matt…Move."

He walked in front of me, slinging the rucksack onto his back. I shook my head, not budging. Mello frowned at me.

"I have to go, Matt. I'm going to capture Kira…I need to avenge L and beat Near." Still I refused to move. "…This is for your own good, Matt."

The next thing I knew, Mello had punched me in the side of my face. I grimaced but still blocked the door. The blond glared hard. He kicked me in the gut and punched the other side of my face. I felt the taste of blood in my mouth. Mello must have split my lip. The blond grabbed me and shoved me aside. I fell to the floor and struggled to get up.

"Goodbye, Matt, have a g-"

"Please…Don't leave me…"

…

Mello was absolutely stunned by my first words. I got to my feet, trembling. I wiped the blood from my lip with my gloved hand.

The next thing the both of us knew, Mello was staggering backwards. He had a hand clutching his cheek and he was staring at me, shocked.

It took me a few seconds to realise that I had just punched him…

Within less than a minute, I had hurt my best friend both physically, and verbally.


	5. Part 5

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 5

Mello seemed to snap out of his disbelief at my words and actions, giving an animalistic snarl. "You bastard!" He moved forward and punched me hard in the face. I stumbled back against the door, clenched my wounded cheek, and glared back at Mello.

"You're the only one I have left." Desperation was imminent in my tone. "I'm not going to let you go, Mello."

My voice was just how I had imagined, cracked yet still childish and innocent, laced with a slight British accent. My words were muffled since my lips were not used to talking, but they were still understandable and strong with the help of my emotions.

Mello stared at me wide eyed. "…Shut up, Matt!" He seemed to choke on his words, appearing just as desperate to leave as I was for him to stay. "I don't care about you! I need to catch Kira!"

"Since when did it become your duty to catch a serial killer?" My fingers slipped from my sore cheek and I made several distressed hand gestures while I spoke. "There are over 6 billion people in the world. Why does it have to fall onto your shoulders?" My words became clearer the more I talked.

Mello looked down at the floor. "I have to do it…I need to avenge L…"

"You just want to beat Near…That's it, isn't it?"

"…" Mello looked back up at me. "I need to beat him."

"What if it were I who was smarter than you? Well? Would you try to beat me then?"

Mello gave a smirking sneer at me. "I wouldn't need to try. Do you want to know why, _Jay_? Because you'll _always_ be _behind_ me Matt! No matter what, I will _always_ be _better _than _you_!"

"I hated L, you know?" My words were bitter, fuelled by my emotions. "I wanted Kira to kill him." Mello glared hard at me.

"You said you were on L's side!"

"I never said I was on _his_ side. In fact, I've never _said_ anything! It's all you Mello! I've been on your side this entire time."

"I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID VOICE! I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE A BLOODY MUTE!"

What I did next surprised us both. I moved away from the door and over to Mello, crashing our lip's together. The blond instinctively tried to pull away, but I took hold of Mello's hair, holding him there with a tight, painful, grip. My other hand snaked around Mello's waist, pulling the slightly taller boy close against me.

I really don't know why I kissed him; all I know is that I liked it. I was probably just being desperate…I was so angry. If Mello left me, then sooner I would be dead than ever feel this much emotion again.

To my shock, the blond slowly opened his mouth. He put an arm around my neck and clung onto my striped shirt with his other hand.

I cautiously slipped my tongue into his mouth, hoping that he wasn't planning to bite it off. Part of me was too overwhelmed to even care if he did. His own tongue moved against mine.

I knew exactly what I wanted. My tongue fought against his as I slowly moved us towards the bed without Mello catching onto my hidden motives.

He realised too late. I pushed him down onto my bed, still not breaking the kiss. Mello struggled but I had somehow grown stronger than him. When the hell had that happened?

I pulled away from the kiss and pinned his hands above his head. Mello glared up at me with a look which could have frozen hell. "What the hell are you doing? We're only 14, you idiot!"

"And yet you think that you'll be able to survive out there by yourself?" My voice was bitter and ironic. I knew for a fact that Mello would be able to survive without me, but what I didn't want to find out was whether I could survive without him.

Mello's eyes widened but quickly returned to their cold glare once more. "What about you? You're only 14. That's too young to rape someone."

"You don't know what I have been through, Mello, all the beatings I put up with. I'm mentally older than any 14 year old could hope to comprehend." I moved my lips to Mello's neck, biting and teasing the sensitive skin. "You've hurt me a lot during my life, mentally, verbally and physically. This is me getting revenge for that."

Revenge?

I was worse than everyone else now, but I couldn't bring myself to care. After all, I had always been a human too, no grander than all the others.

With my free hand I moved Mello's white jacket up his body. When it got to his wrists, I tied a strong knot in the clothing. It held Mello's hands tightly together and I was able to let go of his wrists. He tried to hit me on the head, but I stopped his arms.

"This won't do…" I sat up and looked around the dark room. "Oh, I got it." I stood up and made my way over to the wardrobe, pulling out a pair of sandshoes. I pulled the laces from both and moved back over to Mello. The blond had been trying to undo the restraints on his wrists using his teeth, but to no avail.

I pushed Mello's wrists back above his head, tying one of the shoelaces around the restraints. I joined the other lace to the first, and tied it around the wooden pole on the left corner of the head of my bed.

Mello struggled against the restraints. "What makes you think you can just rape me, you bastard?"

"It's not rape if I make you enjoy it." I lightly licked at the nape of my best friend's neck.

Heh, I was a horrible human being. No better than the rest…No, I was worse.

My hands moved to the hem of Mello's pants, tugging on the material. I pulled the black fabric away from his body, my job made easier by the fact that he wore no shoes. Mello tried to kick me, but I took hold of his legs. "I won't hurt you. Don't you trust me, Mello?"

Mello stopped struggling. He stared at me for a few soundless seconds. "I'll never trust you, Traitor."

I used my left knee to hold Mello's right leg down, moving my now free hand to my goggles. I pulled the eyewear from my head and placed them on the side table. I snaked back up Mello's body, running my tongue up the blond's right leg until I reached the end of his boxers. My hands pulled the annoying material down and off of Mello's perfect young body.

The blond sneered and struggled against the ties. When he did, however, the knots just became tighter and more complex. I gave a sigh and slipped the three central digits of my left hand into my mouth, sucking on them wetly. My free hand slipped to Mello's length, stroking it slowly.

"Don't touch m-" Mello cut himself off with a soft grunt. To make up for his loss of words, he tried to kick me again. I used the side of my forearm to block the kick, pulling my soaking fingers from my mouth.

I leaned down, kissing Mello's neck gently. My right hand moved up the blond's body, ignoring his length. The hand slipped under his black shirt, tweaking his left nipple. Mello gave a soft whine, trying to move away from my hands sinful pleasure, but there was no where he could go. My left hand moved down to Mello's tight entrance.

"I'm sorry, Mello."

I slowly slid my index finger into his heat, trying to not hurt my best friend. There was suddenly a knock at the door.

"Matt?" I quickly covered Mello's mouth with my right hand.

"Don't come in, Roger!" Mello looked at me, astonished. I had managed to change my voice into an almost exact copy of Scott's, who was another orphan at Wammy's. Even I was quite impressed with my new vocal talents. "Matt and I are playing a game of Murder in the Dark, and if you open the door it will ruin it!"

"…Oh, okay…Have either of you seen Mello?"

I looked at said blond. A slight uncharacteristic blush had made its way onto his face. "I haven't. What bout you, Matty? Tap on something if you've seen him…No, I don't think he has. Sorry."

Suddenly, Mello managed to bite the palm of my hand which had been covering his mouth. I instinctively moved my hand away. He opened his mouth, as if to cry for help, but instead gave a slight, barely audible, gasp. It was then that I realised that when I had pulled my right hand away, I had subconsciously moved my left hand forward, pressing my index finger deeper into Mello's heat.

"Well, okay…Come tell me if you see him…" I heard Roger's footsteps as he walked off, giving a slight smirk. My eyes slipped back to Mello's face, and I purposely brushed my finger over the same spot inside of Mello. He gasped again. I leaned down and nibbled on his ear playfully.

"You like that?" I repeated the action several more times, gaining a quiet moan and a buck from Mello's hips. "I told you that you would enjoy this." I inserted my second digit, and then my third. Before Mello felt any pain, I brushed his sweet spot again, replacing his pained noise with a moan.

I scissored my fingers, stretching his heat further. He bucked his hips instinctively. The sight was intoxicating. I wanted- no…I _needed_ to be inside of him.

Without much of a second thought, I pulled my fingers out of his heat. My hand slid down to the fly of my jeans, unzipping the fastener to release my hardened length. I spat on my now free palm and moved my hand to my arousal, slicking it up with saliva. After I dubbed myself lubricated enough so as to not hurt my best friend more than I needed to, I pulled my hand away, placing it on Mello's right hip. My right hand moved down as well, getting a grip of the blond's other hip.

"I'm sorry, Mello…" I looked at my best friend's face. His expression was lustful, but I could still see that he didn't want this. I really couldn't bring myself to care. Even though my anger was not as intense as it had been only a few minutes before, the emotion was still gnawing unhealthily at my heart.

I slowly pushed the head of my length inside of Mello's prepared entrance, stopping to make sure he wasn't in too much pain. The pleasure I had hoped to encounter just by this simple act seemed to have just been created from imagination and false hopes. This feeling which I was experiencing was more of a blunt feeling rather than ecstasy. I abruptly felt an instinctive drive take control of my body, a need to experience the pleasure I had imagined. If I simply continued, then sooner or later I would reach that thrill.

The blond was panting beneath me, though I couldn't tell whether he was in pain or in pleasure. Looking back now, I hope that it was the latter, but at the time I didn't care. I gradually pushed my manhood deeper into Mello, soon becoming fully sheathed in between the hot walls. My breathing was already ragged as the blond's tight walls clenched around my member.

I waited for Mello to adjust, kissing him repeatedly, moving my lips to his neck. I lightly chewed on the sensitive flesh, causing the blond to give a slight gasp. "Matt…Move…"

Hmmm, Mello really did like this? It was probably just the lust talking. We might have been only 14, but we were still victims of emotions we weren't supposed to have, such as Lust and Desire. It wasn't like we were the youngest couple to ever have sex in the history of the world. In the story Romeo and Juliet, the poor girl was only 13 years old…Juliet…

I pulled partially out of Mello's heat, pushing in a bit faster than before. I repeated this motion several times, thrusting in a little bit harder and faster each time. It wasn't long till I found that sweet spot inside of my best friend. As I slammed into it, he arched his back, letting out an airy moan.

A sly smirk curved my lips and I aimed for that spot again. I got an almost exact reaction from Mello. He pulled at the ties which still restrained his wrists, but the knots in the laces held.

"Again~" It seemed even Mello would lose all sight of his pride and dignity if it would result in pleasure. That didn't matter though, I was the same.

I began to aim for that one spot with every thrust I made, occasionally missing it. Sometimes I did this accidentally, sometimes on purpose.

Both out bodies were now sweaty and I barely noticed that rain had began to poor loudly outside. That meant that most of the kids would be inside now. I had to end this quickly or else someone might hear. It shouldn't be a problem seeing as I was already close to my limit.

I began to thrust in harder and faster, much to Mello's pleasure. He moaned and pushed his hips down to meet my every move. There was still the air of distrust and humility in the air around us, but we were far too caught up in our pleasure and the need of release to sense it clearly. Or at least, I was.

Lightning clapped outside, followed with the traditional boom of thunder. The loud noises of the weather muffled my loud groan as I finally released my seed deep inside of Mello's young body.

I was in so much bliss that I thought I was going to pass out. The feeling of my climax faded quickly though, leaving behind an air of hopeful despair. I pulled out of Mello, more than happy to see that there was no blood. Good.

Mello groaned in annoyance, and I realised that he still hadn't came. Hmmm…It would be embarrassing if my bed sheets were dirtied with cum. It would also be a nuisance to have a shower if I were covered in cum since the bathroom was down the hallway, and I could get seen by other kids. Guess that left sucking Mello off…

I took the blond's swollen length into my mouth and began to suck. I suddenly felt hands in my hair, pushing my head down to take more of Mello in. The shoelaces must have either become untied or had snapped. Whatever, Mello didn't seem to be in the mood of stopping me anymore. Why would he? The only one who was getting anything out of this anymore was him. His mind was probably too defiled with lust to even comprehend the idea of making me stop.

I nearly gagged on his length, but I kept on sucking. It wasn't long till Mello's grip on my red hair tightened and he finally released into my mouth. He arched his back, giving an almost desperate moan.

I managed to swallow my best friend's cum. It didn't taste too pleasant but it was bearable I guess. He let go of my hair a few seconds later, his still apparently tied hands moving to rest on his stomach. I sat up, wiping some excess cum from the corner of my mouth.

"Yuk. That wasn't pleasant." I shook my head distastefully, making a mental note to brush my teeth later.

"Fuck you. Untie my wrists this instant!" I blinked at him. The knot which had tied the two shoelaces together had come undone, leaving Mello's wrists still tied together with both one shoelace and his jacket. I gave a soft yawn and lay down on the bed next to him. I began to undo the shoelace knot. It took me a minute or two since the room was dark and I was trembling slightly from the after affects of sex. Eventually I got the knot undone, and began working on the knot in Mello's white jacket. It was easier to untie and only took me 16 seconds…approximately. I undid it and Mello's hands were finally free once more. He rubbed his undoubtable sore wrists and sat up. Mello gave a small grunt of pain.

"Fuck. What the hell is your problem?" He looked back at me, glaring hard. I simply gave a soft shrug and another yawn. "So that's it? You're a mute again?" I smiled up at him innocently and nodded. He continued to glare, but he didn't make a single move to hurt me.

Mello turned back around so he wasn't looking at me and began to examine his hands. He stood up off of the bed, picking his boxers from the floor. Mello slipped them on and I sat up. He picked his pants off of the ground and looked over at me.

"I'm still leaving, Matt."

I looked down in innocent dismay, but I gave a reluctant nod.

Mello was going to leave me and there was simply nothing that I could do about it.

He pulled his pants back on and walked over to me. Mello lifted my chin up and looked me dead in the eye. We stayed like that for several seconds before the blond pulled me into a tight embrace. My broken heart wouldn't allow me to return the hug. He soon pulled away, picking his white jumper back up from the bed and slipping it on over his shoulders. Mello also grabbed his rucksack from the floor, slung it onto his back and stepped into his pair of assault boots.

The blond moved to the door, looking back at me for one last time.

"…I swear that we'll meet again, Mail Jeevas…" And with those words, Mello walked out the door and out of my life.

For now.

The room was once more dark as the door closed behind him. I lay back down on my bed and closed my eyes to fall into an innocent sleep. My orange goggles sat idly on the bedside table where I had placed them earlier that day. It would be years until I wore them again. The next time I put them on; I would meet Mello once more.

I shouldn't have done that to my best friend. If I hadn't, then I could have moved on with life and then…then…I wouldn't have died…And she wouldn't have died either…Marie…I hate you, Mello.


	6. Part 6

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 6

I actually forgot that Mello had called me by my real name…I don't know how, but I never did find out how he learnt it…

I'm not even sure why I did that to him…

Is it because of what I did then that made Mello contact me in the future? But then again, Near hadn't told him who I was…Well, Mello must have recognised the handwriting…Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself. Never mind.

-x-

December 13th 2004

Mello's 15th birthday.

I hadn't put my goggles back on since Mello had left. I knocked softly on the door to Roger's office, test in hand.

"Come in." I opened the door and entered, smiling at Roger innocently. He blinked at me. "Matt? Is something wrong?" I shook my head, moving in front of his desk. I showed the test to Roger, smiling happily. The man took the paper from me, blinking down at it. "…One hundred percent?" I nodded up at him, my eyes shining innocently. "…Oh yeah, I promised you a laptop if you got one hundred, didn't I? Well, a deal's a deal I guess…"

-x-

Even though my scores now said that I was the second best at Wammy's House, everyone, including myself, still considered me as the third.

-x-

December 15th 2004

Roger had bought me a brand new laptop. It was very interesting. I began to search the internet for things I found fascinating.

I got into chat-rooms and began chatting to others around the world. That's when it dawned on me. These people had no idea who I was…They didn't know that I couldn't (well, wouldn't) talk…I could talk to them with messages via the computer, and I didn't even have to open my mouth.

Little did I know that the computer would start a whole career for me in the not-too-distant future.

-x-

July 2nd 2006

"Matt…"

I looked over at Near after he addressed me…He had addressed _me_, right? There was nobody inside since it was sunny in the outside world. Near and I were the only ones who never went out.

I was now 16, and Near was 14, though his birthday would be next month anyway.

"Would you like to play with me?"

I blinked at him, and gave a shrug, turning off my Nintendo DS. I stood up from the step and walked over to him. The albino was playing with some action figures. I sat down near him and picked one up, beginning to play with the doll. Near moved the one he held forward and pressed the button on the back. The doll's arm moved downwards, hitting the action figure I had been playing with. It slipped from my hands, but I picked it up again. We began to innocently make the dolls fight. It was fun, I guess.

"I need your help, Matt…To capture Kira." I looked at him oddly, but his eyes remained watching the fighting dolls. "Do you miss Mello?" A few seconds went by, and I gave a slow nod. "If we catch Kira, then Mello will have no choice but to come back. If you want to see Mello ever again then I would advice you to help me." I quickly gave another nod. "Unlike Mello, I am not good with reading body language, so you are going to have to speak." I blinked at him. A curved smile formed on his lips and he finally looked away from the toys, locking eyes with me. "I know you can talk." I tilted my head to the side, an obvious gesture. "I had hidden cameras in your room. I didn't study, but I knew what Mello studied. That is how I always got better scores than he did. I simply saw what Mello had been revising and I would memorise it." The cunning albino pulled a disk from the inside of his pyjama shirt. "Here. I've seen what you've done and I've heard what you said." He passed me the disk and began to twirl a lock of his hair. "So you can stop the mute act and we will work on catching Kira. If you wish, you may keep up the act when we are not alone. Is that okay, Mail Jeevas?"

I looked down at the disk in my hand, and then at the action figure in my other. An eerily innocent smile curved my lips and I looked back at Near. "Blackmail? That doesn't seem your style, Nate River."

Near continued to smile back at me. "So is it a deal?"

"Hmmm…I guess it is."

-x-

Near and I began working together to catch Kira. You might be wondering how I found out Near's real name? Well, it wasn't just Near's that I had found. Mello's real name was Mihael Keehl.

Anyway, I had become quite the computer hacker. I simply hacked into the computer system for Wammy's House. Actually, it had taken me at least 3 days to get past the firewall.

So that is really how I had found out the real names of Near and Mello. Or should I say, Nate River and Mihael Keehl…?

-x-

January 18th 2007

"Hey, Near…Look at this…"

Near stood up and walked over to me, crouching down to peer at the screen of my laptop. "Who's that?"

On the screen was a picture of a boy with messy black hair and hints of insomnia bags under his eyes. He was smiling softly and his hands rested on the heads of two younger boys half his height. One had black hair similar to the older boy, and the other had brown hair. The brunette had a look of pride but also a look of worry. The other boy had a look of arrogance and inferiority. Both young boys also had a similar look of insanity in their eyes. The mean glint was only too familiar to me.

"…I think it is L…"

"Where did you find the picture?"

"…Someone sent it to me…But I can't trace the email or anything…" We both stared at the picture.

"Try and track it. Or, send a reply of gratitude. Whichever you wish." Near stood up and moved back to his castle of dice. I gave a sigh and began trying to find out whom the email was from.

We both now knew what our 'mentor' had looked like when he had still been alive.

-x-

February 1st 2007

My 17th birthday.

"Near…I'm leaving Wammy's." The younger boy looked up at me.

"That's a shame. I hope you have a good life then, Mail Jeevas."

"I'll phone the orphanage in a few weeks. Course they won't know who it is since they still think I'm a mute. I'll ask them to put you on and I will give you my mobile number. I'll leave it up to you to memorise it. Call me if you get any information on Mello."

"Very well. Here." Near held one hand up into the air. Inside his palm sat a small figurine of my self and a black dice. "A goodbye present."

I took the doll and cube from the albino. These two items were slipped into my pockets. It would be almost exactly three years until I next saw them. "Thank you, Near…Here." I pulled a piece of paper from the back pocket of my jeans, placing it into the albino's palm. He looked up at me, and then he looked at the piece of paper.

It was a photograph of Mello. He turned it over to see 'Dear Mello' written on the back in my neat handwriting.

"You have to promise me that you won't show this photo to anyone, especially if you suspect that they are Kira. If you ever see Mello, then please give it to him, but don't tell him that it was from me." Mello might recognise my handwriting anyway.

"…Very well, I promise."

"…Near…I know you're no better with people than I am…But…" I gave him a sad frown. "If I do meet Mello again, what do I tell him? I don't think he will be too fond of me after I…"

"If you're wrong, you just have to say 'Sorry'."

"…Thank you, Near…"

"Goodbye, Mail Jeevas."

That was the day I left Wammy's House. It was sunny.

-x-

June 3rd 2008

I was now 18.

I was a professional computer hacker in the underground world of criminals, and I lived in a one bedroom apartment in England…Where exactly in England I don't feel like saying. I don't know who is reading this, so I do not wish to give out details about location…Though really I don't see the point in keeping it a secret…

I had taken up smoking. Cigarettes helped me think, as did video games. My fingers danced upon the keyboard of my third laptop. This firewall was a pain to get through.

-x-

July 19th 2008

The day I met _her_…I was at the store since I had beaten all of my video games. We both accidentally grabbed the same game. I immediately fell in love with her. "Oh…Sorry…" I let go of the game. The girl gave a smile at me.

"Here, you have it." She held the game out to me. I looked down at it, and then smiled at her.

"No, you have it. Seriously."

She laughed softly. "Well, how about as payment, I buy you a coffee or something at Star Bucks?"

I blinked at her. "Oh…Well, okay I guess." I put my hand out to shake. "I'm Matt, by the way."

She laughed once more and took my hand with her own elegant fingers. "My name is Julia. It's a pleasure to meet you, Matt."

I chuckled softly. "It's nice to meet you too, Julia."

Her name was just as beautiful as she was, even if it was an alias.

-x-

We both sat down at one of the tables inside of the Star Bucks café. "Ummm…I think that I should let you know now that I don't like coffee…"

Julia laughed once more. I loved her laugh. "That's okay. Neither do I. How 'bout an iced chocolate instead?"

"That would be great!"

-x-

We had a lot in common. She was into games and computers as well. Julia was a hacker as well, and it turns out that we actually knew about each other. Her hacker name was Juliet (which I thought was pretty), while mine was simply Jay. She had heard of me, while I had heard of her. Julia was a less expensive hacker than I was, but she wasn't as skilled. That didn't matter, cause that still left her with plenty expertise since I was basically on top of the world of professional computer hacking.

She found it interesting that I had been an orphan. I guess girls find that stuff sad. Though, I later found out that she was also an orphan without any family left either. She had the sweetest laugh I had ever heard. Afterwards she paid for the drinks (even though I had insisted on paying for mine).

"Here is my card." She took a card from out of her red jumper pocket, placing it down on the table. Julia took a blue pen out of her other pocket and wrote on the back of it. She then slid the card over to me and I picked it up. "That on the back is my non-work number."

"Well I don't have a card on me; sorry…Do you have a spare?"

"Course." She pulled another card out of her jacket and passed it to me, also handing me the blue pen. I wrote my number on the back of it for my mobile.

I gave it to her, smirking slightly. "I should tell you now that I don't care much for the outside world. I'm a smoker and obsessed with video games."

She smiled at me softly. "I don't care much for the outside world either. I'm a recovering alcoholic and also obsessed with video games."

"I've never had a girlfriend before…I mean…I've never had a girl, as a friend before…" Shit…Was I blushing?

Julia laughed once more and leaned over the table, kissing my cheek gently. "You're so funny and sweet." Yep, definitely blushing. She sat back down and picked my number up off of the table, slipping it into her pocket.

I should probably describe what she looks like…But I find it utterly impossible to contort her beauty into mere words…It's just absurd to think that I would be capable of such a task…So I won't even try.

I've told you that her name was Julia…And at the time, I thought that this was true. Later I found out that her real name was Marie. I don't know why she gave me an alias name, though then again, the name I gave her was an alias as well. Ha ha. To make my story that much more realistic, I shall continue to call her Julia until we reach the point in my life where I learnt her real name. Then again, that was all the way on the 17th of January, 2010…After she was already dead…Why did he have to kill my angel?

Oh! I better not get ahead of myself. Back to the story.

"Well, call me soon." She smiled and stood up. "It was nice meeting you, Jay."

I smiled up at her softly. "It was nice meeting you too, Juliet." After a brief pause we both laughed in unison.

"See you, then." She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I was taken aback by the bold move but I quickly pushed back against her lips, returning the kiss.

She pulled away and smiled at me. "See ya." And with those words she exited the coffee shop. I watched dreamily as she walked off. Kira, I was in love.

Suddenly, I was cut off by my mobile phone ringing. Huh? I grabbed it from my back pocket and answered it.

"Hello again." It was Julia. I smirked and stood up, beginning to head home. We talked via phone for several hours about nothing in particular. I cherished every single word that she spoke.

She made me forget all about Mello…

She was…My third angel, Marie…Julia…It was my fault that you died…If only I hadn't of met you, Julia…then Mello wouldn't have killed you…

Apparently, you tried to kill him, and Mello only stabbed you in self-defence…but looking back down…I see why Mello would want to get rid of you…Did he lie to me?


	7. Part 7

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 7

I had my whole life worked out.

I would propose to Julia on my 20th birthday. We would live in a large house in England. Together we would have three children, two boys and one girl. Our life would be calm and easy. I had given up on Mello returning years ago, and Kira was a thing of everyday life now. As long as we kept within the law he wouldn't kill us.

I wish that my life had turned out that way…

Do you want to know something which Mello told me not to do? Of course, he hasn't told me yet within this story, but it will come up soon if you are patient. Go on, guess. 3…2…1

Times up.

He told me to not fall in love with him…I didn't.

-x-

February 20th 2009

I was finally 19, I had moved into Julia's large house with her and life was great. We would spend hours just battling each other on one of our many gaming consoles. They say opposites attract, but I now knew that to be a load of bull.

A relationship where people were opposites would just crumble to bits without any foundation holding it up. Screw magnets.

Life had started out hard, but now everything was going to be absolutely alright…

-x-

March 10th 2009

Much to my surprise, my phone began to go off. I had to pause the game which Julia and I had been playing just to answer it.

"Hello?"

"This is Near." …Near? "I'm calling to tell you that I am in the process of setting up a group known as the SPK, the 'Special Provisions for Kira'. It would be a great asset if you were to join, and I'm sure that your best chance of finding Mello would be with us. Your hacking skills would most certainly become useful in the future."

"…Sorry, Near, but I can't…"

"…Very well, I just wanted to let you know that the offer was open. If you wish to change your mind, then please call me. Goodbye Mail Jeevas."

"See ya."

I hung up my mobile phone and slipped it back into the back pocket of my jeans. "Who was that?" I looked over at Julia, smiling softly.

"Oh, it was just an old friend from the orphanage I grew up in. He has been helping me look for a friend I lost a few years ago."

"A friend you lost?" She tilted her head at me, a worried expression plastered on her flawless face.

"Yeah. Kira killed his idol, so he left the orphanage, planning to capture Kira when we were both 14." I leaned down, resting my head on her lap sweetly. She smiled down at me, softly stroking my hair.

"That's a shame…What was his name?"

"Mello."

She nodded softly and continued to stroke my apple red locks tenderly.

-x-

October 14th 2009

I was woken in the middle of the night by my phone going off. I was forced to let go of Julia, giving a soft whine. I sat back up in our bed and got up. Julia woke as well, and sat up sleepily with a soft yawn.

"Sorry." I gave her an apologetic smile.

Julia smiled back at me softly. "It's okay."

I found my pants and took the phone out of them, answering the annoying device. "Yeah?"

"Hello Matt. This is Near. It is highly possible that Mello is alive and has teamed up with the Mafia."

"…The Mafia?" I knew Mello was reckless, but…Wait…He was alive… "But he is alive and safe?"

"Alive, yes. Safe, I don't know. He kidnapped the chief of the Japanese Task Force's daughter. Mello is undoubtedly in possession of a Death Note."

A Death Note.

That was something that Near and I had discovered when we were still at Wammy's. I had managed to hack into Watari's deleted data system. There was information about a notebook known as a 'Death Note'. If someone's name was written in the book, they would die. It was most possibly Kira's weapon of judgement. "…Okay."

"I thought that it would be best to tell you this. Goodbye then, Matt."

"Bye…" I hung up my phone, blinking down at the contraption.

"Who was it?"

I looked over at Julia, and then smiled reassuringly. "Near. Apparently Mello is still alive." He is also apart of the Mafia and he has a magical notebook that can kill people! Isn't life swell?

"That's good." I put the phone back down and crawled back into bed, putting my arms around her. "Good night."

"Night, Sweetie."

-x-

October 18th 2009

My phone began to go off again. What the? It had been pretty much silent for 2 years, and now…

I answered it before it got past the 3rd ring. "Yes?"

"Matt. Some people may come to your place and ask you to write Mello's real name into a notebook for them. If they do, please refuse. They might say that they are from the Japanese Task Force. The notebook is a Death Note. Do not try and take it from them either. Okay?"

"Don't write Mello's name in it, and don't try and steal it. Is that all?" Near abruptly hung up and I looked down at the phone.

So the Japanese had gotten hold of a Death Note? With Kira still killing criminals, that meant there were probably at least two Death Notes…

-x-

November 20th 2009

I was sorting through some of my old games when I suddenly found it. Sitting inside the 'The Sims 1' case was a plain white disk. I stared at it. Shoot. It was the disk that Near had given to me several years ago…On it was the proof that I had practically raped my best friend…

I would have to destroy the disc, lest Julia saw it…

My phone suddenly began to go off. What was it this time? My fingers slipped to my phone and I flipped the device open. "What is it, Near?"

"Mello was here yesterday." …What? "He found the SPK Headquarters. I gave him the photograph which you asked me to give to him. I didn't tell him it was from you. He was recently caught in an explosion, so the left side of his face was badly scarred as far as I could tell. But, none the less, he is alive and - as they say – 'Kicking'."

"…An explosion?"

"Yes."

"…So he is in New York?"

"There is about a 73% chance that he is still in New York, so I can't say he is and I also can't say he is not."

"Okay then, Near. Thank you." I hung up the phone and got to my feet, forgetting all about the disk. "Julia, I need to go to New York. I'll be back in a few days."

I moved into the small kitchen of the apartment, where my love was currently chopping vegetables with the knife which would soon end her life. Julia looked over at me, blinking softly. "Huh? New York? Why?"

"Near says that Mello might be there. If I don't find him then I will be back in a few days. I'll call you every day though."

Julia smiled and she then gave a soft nod. "Okay then. I hope you find him." She laughed softly. "Good luck and stay away from prostitutes."

I laughed as well. "Of course, Sweetie, I promise. You know I love you and only you." I placed a soft kiss upon my angel's sweet, tender, lips.

Those were the last words I ever said to her in person, and that was the last time I ever saw her alive again.

-x-

November 21st 2009

I looked around the hotel room, bored, pulling my old Game Boy Colour from my small bag of luggage. The flight from Winchester to New York had been about 11 hours.

_Oh wait…I should probably c__all Near and tell him where I am, just in case he comes into contact with Mello again._

I put my once loved gaming device down on the couch, taking out my mobile phone. Near's number was listed under the title 'N' in my mobile's address book.

I pressed the dial button and held it to my ear. An unfamiliar male voice answered the phone. "Who is this?"

"I'm Matt; I wish to speak with Near."

"…" There was some talking in the background that I couldn't make out.

"Hello Matt." Now the person speaking was Near. "What is it?"

"I'm in New York. I'm staying at the Union Square Inn, room 26. If you see or come into contact with Mello, then tell him that there is a friend waiting for him there."

"Very well."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and stood up, deciding to go out to get some food to bring back.

-x-

November 25th 2009

I'd had no news of Mello since I'd been in New York. Maybe I should just go back home to Julia…

I'd give Mello three more days to contact me. If he didn't, then I would go back home. I turned on the TV to see if anything of interest was on.

"_As Kira's Spokesperson, I order you to slowly but surely hunt them down, so that we can get them on camera and offer them up to Kira!" _Huh? I watched as a mob of people began to light a large fire outside of an impressive building. _"The first group – break through the door and enter! The second group will wait to enter until 20 people from the first group are in!"_

I watched as suddenly pieces of paper danced near the screen. Money?

"_Whoa! It's money!"_

From my television screen I watched as American notes began to fall from the air. I watched as the mob began to work itself into an even louder uproar as they tried to satisfy their never-ending greed.

"_P-Pilot, fly over to that floor where all the money's coming from!"_

The view of the mob disappeared as the camera moved to the continual flow of money.

"_Oh, the Riot Squad!" _The camera looked down once more, revealing a group of officers wearing full body armour. _"The Riot Squad have arrived to try and contain this panic. From a law enforcement standpoint, they aren't here to suppress the Kira supporters, but to bring this chaos under control."_

From the view which the camera faced, my eyes suddenly caught sight of one of the soldiers. In his arms he carried several robot toys, visible only for a split second and barely so, but I knew that Near had managed to escape. I smiled softly at the knowledge. Good for him.

Now I wish that Near had died in that riot. I may have liked him then, but I hate him now.

I stood up and moved over to the TV, turning it off. I made my way back over to my bag, opening it to find a new game to play. My gloved hand landed on something that I thought was a game, pulling it out of the bag…Huh?

I had pulled my old pair of orange tinted goggles from the bag…Weird, I couldn't remember even packing them…Oh, this was the bag I took from Wammy's house, so I mustn't have unpacked them when I moved into my apartment.

…

I bought them over to the couch, pulling the gloves from my hands. My head had been smaller then so I had to readjust the strap. After that I slipped them onto my head and over my eyes. The world suddenly became orange tinted once more…A soft smile graced my lips, remembering some of the good times Mello and I shared before he left.

…

My eyes became watery with unshed tears which I refused to cry.

Slowly, I shook my head, trying to clear it of the sad, yet happy, memories of my childhood. The song Hallelujah began to sound through my head, as if it were my self whom the angels were chiding this time.

Even so, I would not allow myself to cry.

-x-

November 27th 2009

I had been playing on my Game Boy Advance with nothing better to do. Near hadn't contacted me or anything and I had already called Julia to make sure that she was doing okay.

It was still morning and I was bored.

There was suddenly a knock at my door. My whole body tensed and my fingers suddenly turned my game off without even bothering to save it.

Who was at the door…?

It could be Julia coming to surprise me…Near in need of a new hideout…Kira coming to kill me…L coming to haunt me…But could it be…It couldn't be…That was impossible…But…

I pushed myself up onto my feet and walked over to the door. My hand was trembling slightly from the tension and there was a sick feeling in my gut. My goggles sat neatly on my forehead so the world was clear. I turned the knob and opened the door.

There stood a faintly familiar figure. Everything he wore was leather. Leather pants. Leather gloves. Leather vest. Leather jacket. Leather shoes. Around his neck he wore a rosary which ended with a silver crucifix. Around his waist was a belt which had a fairly intricate silver buckle. A gun was pointed out the front of his pants, undoubtedly real and loaded. The once perfect blond hair was now messy and jagged at its end. A pair of dark sunglasses covered the certainly icy blue eyes and a pinkish scar was visible on the left side of his face.

Mihael Keehl. Mello. My best friend. My tormentor. My future fourth and final angel.

He opened his mouth, as if to say something but was stopped when I suddenly closed the door. I stood for a few seconds, before opening it once more. I took a step outside of the hotel room and flung my arms around my best friend. Mello was still for a few seconds, before he also put his arms around me, returning the embrace.

We stood there for about a minute just holding onto each other after being separated for a total of almost five years. The world seemed right, and only now do I see it was wrong.


	8. Part 8

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 8

We stood there for about a minute just holding onto each other after being separated for almost five years.

I didn't want to let go of my best friend, and it seemed that he didn't want to let go of me either. Eventually though, we had to pull apart, or we might have looked suspicious if there were cameras in the hotel corridors. "Come in."

I walked back inside of my hotel room, and Mello followed behind me. "So you're not a mute anymore?" The blond sat down on the couch and I moved to the small fridge.

"Depends who it is I'm talking to." I pulled two cans of Coke from the fridge and sat down on the couch next to Mello, handing him one of the cans. He took his sunglasses off and slipped them in his pocket, opening the drink. "Nice scar by the way, very badass."

Mello took a sip of his drink and smirked at me. "So, Matty, how's life been?"

"Life's been good. I'm a professional computer hacker, I've moved in with my girlfriend, I took up smoking for a bit but I've quit now."

"Wait, girlfriend?" Mello blinked at me and then burst out laughing, nearly spilling his drink. "I assumed that you were gay!" He continued to laugh. I pouted slightly.

"I ain't gay." It was true.

"Says the guy who practically raped me." Mello shook his head, still smirking softly. I felt a sudden guilty pain in my stomach and I looked away from my friend.

"…I'm sorry about that…I don't know why I did it…I guess that I thought that if I could make you enjoy it enough, then you would stay…"

Mello was silent for a few seconds. "Don't bother to apologize. If it makes you feel better, I guess I did enjoy it somewhat…" He shook his head to clear it. "Okay, I need to get right down to the point. I need help to capture Kira."

I blinked at him. "Huh? I thought you were with the Mafia…"

"…Yeah, but Kira killed nearly everyone, and I was forced to blow the place up. That's how I got this scar. I lost the Death Note as well…Oh, Kira kills people with this noteb-"

"Notebook. I kn-"

"Don't interrupt me." Mello stood up and finished off his Coke. He looked back at me and held out his leather clad hand. "So, you wanna help me catch a mass murderer?"

I should have disagreed. Kira was my God, and I had an entire future a head of me which did not include Mello.

I smirked up at my best friend and took his hand. "Of course I do." He pulled me to my feet.

I guess that this is another point in my life, where I chose the wrong decision.

"Good, then let's go."

"Huh? Now?"

"Yes, now." I quickly chugged down my Coke, hiccuping twice and dropped the empty can down onto the floor carelessly. Let the cleaner take care of it. An unknown phone began to sound. Mello quickly took his mobile out of one of his leather jacket pockets, answering the device.

"What is it, Hal?" He was silent for a few seconds. "Okay. Thanks." Mello hung up and turned to me, pulling his sunnies back over his eyes. "Come on. Put your goggles on. I'm not sure, but I think that Kira can't see your name with the Shinigami Eyes. I'm not positive, but it doesn't matter. We gotta get to the LaGuardia Airport."

"Huh? Why?"

"I'll tell you in the car. Grab anything you'll need quickly."

I nodded and moved over to my small bag. Out of it I pulled my faux fur jacket, slipping it on over my black and white striped shirt. I began stuffing several things I had unpacked into the bag, such as my gaming devices. Mello began to tap his foot, an act of impatience. Some things just didn't change.

Oh! Speaking of things not changing…

I moved to the fridge, and pulled something out of it. "We don't have time for snack breaks, Matt."

"Hey Mellsy…" I closed the fridge door, smirking at him softly. "Do you still like chocolate?"

The blond folded his arms instead of giving a verbal response. I waved a chocolate bar in the air. "…You knew I was in New York?"

Instead of answering the question, I simply tossed the chocolate to my best friend, and he easily caught it. "Did you get the picture I gave to Near to give to you at the orphanage? The photograph." The last thing I needed was for Mello to know that I had been in contact with Near…

"Yeah I got it. Now come on, we gotta go. We have like, 54 minutes left till they should arrive at the airport, and it's like over 16km from this hotel to the LaGuardia Airport. Plus we got traffic to deal with and you still gotta check out of this place. Let's move."

I slung my bag onto my back and gave a nod. "Okay then, let's move."

-x-

The car pulled up to the airport just in time. "That's them." Two Japanese men stood there talking to each other briefly. I nodded softly and looked at Mello momentarily. He had one hand on the steering wheel, and the other held the chocolate I had given to him. Mello was intently staring at the two Japanese men. "Matt, follow them and try to find out where they're going. I gotta park the car."

Mello had probably stolen the car. What if they found our DNA in the vehicle? Well, we were both wearing gloves so fingerprints weren't a problem, but what about hair?

Whatever, this wasn't the time to be thinking about that. I got out of the car, quickly yet unsuspiciously walking into the crowded airport. I stood close to the men, trying to listen into their conversation.

"-somebody else do the killings for him. The best outcome would be-" I lost the conversation for a few seconds but quickly regained it "-isn't Kira, but…"

Hopefully that information hadn't been important…

"Let's go back to LA for starters."

"Yes."

They were headed to Los Angeles.

I stopped following them and turned around, waiting for Mello. He appeared a minute later, finishing the last of his chocolate.

"They're going to LA."

Mello nodded, crumpling the empty foil into a ball. He dropped it into one of the several bins. "Good work, Matt. Let's try and see if we can get some tickets for the flight they're taking." I nodded. The flight to LA wasn't scheduled to leave for another two hours.

-x-

We had bought the tickets, and were sitting on the chairs waiting for the intercom to tell us when to board the plane. We kept the two Japanese men in view, but I sat in front of Mello so they couldn't see him.

"I need to call Julia to tell her I'll be headed to LA." Mello nodded softly and I pulled my mobile from my pocket. Julia's number was on speed dial, so it was easy to call her.

She picked up after 2 rings.

"Hello?"

"It's Matt."

"Hey Matty! How's New York?"

"That's what I'm calling about. There was a sighting of my friend in LA, and I have a feeling that he will be there."

"…Oh…Well…Okay…Be home soon Matty…I miss you."

"I miss you too, Sweetie. Don't worry; I'll be home before you know it."

"That's good. See ya. Love ya."

"Love you too. Bye." I hung up the phone and put it back into my pocket.

"So what's her name?"

I looked at my best friend, smiling softly. "Julia. We met each other July last year. I'm gonna propose to her on my birthday next year."

He nodded slightly. "I'm happy for you."

_Really? Cause you don't seem too happy__…_

"Hey Mellsy, did you steal that car from before?"

"Na, it was a rental. I called them before I came into the airport where they could pick it up." I nodded and slipped my hands into my pockets. Hey, I still had a packet of cigarettes in my pocket! Woops. Oh well. At least I didn't have a lighter on me, or else it would have been confiscated.

The intercom suddenly sounded, telling us that our flight had begun to board. We stood up after the two Japanese men had gotten in line. We went into the same que, several passengers between us and the two men.

-x-

We were now on the flight between New York and Los Angeles. The plane had been flying for a bit under 3 hours and the total time the plane trip would take was about 6 hours. Mello sat on the window seat, I sat on the next seat, and the third place was taken up by a particularly buff blond guy whom wore an orange polo shirt.

"So, you're planning to propose to her on your 20th birthday?" I nodded at my best friend. "And you say you've only known each other for like a year?"

"Well, yeah…But I know that we're meant to be together."

He gave a soft nod and a yawn. "Whatever. I'm tired, I've had barely any sleep in…A while." Mello leaned back in his seat and closed the blind over the small window.

I leaned forward and took my bag out from beneath the seat in front of mine. I fished my Game Boy Colour out of it and began to play.

-x-

I had to turn my Game Boy off while the plane was landing, slipping the device back into my bag. "Mello, wake up." I shook my friend slightly, succeeding in waking him up. The blond blinked at me softly, dazed from his interrupted sleep.

"Huh?" He looked up to see that the seatbelt sign was flashing. "Oh, we're landing?" I nodded. "Okay then." Mello did up his seatbelt and pulled the window blind up to see outside. Sure enough, there was LAX in the distance, becoming closer with every second.

-x-

Neither of us had any baggage which needed retrieving from the conveyor belt. Since it was a domestic flight we hadn't had to bother with Customs either, not that we had anything that needed to declare anyway. We moved out of the airport, still following the two Japanese men. "Matt, you keep an eye on them. I'll be back in a sec with my Motorbike." Mello had moved off before I could say anything. Why were we following these two anyway? What did they have to do with Kira? Well, Near had told me that the Japanese had gotten hold of a Death Note…I kept watch of them.

They stopped to talk for a few seconds. I moved inconspicuously closer, trying to listen to the conversation.

"Okay, so Misa is staying at the Kyoto Grand Hotel and Gardens."

"Wasn't she staying at the Holy Chateau?"

"For security reasons, we moved her just in case Mello found out her whereabouts. We were going to keep Amane moving every three days for her safety, but Light thought that there was a good chance that Mello would stay in New York."

Huh? They knew who Mello was?

"But what if Near told Mello that we would be taken to the airport or something…? He could be following us this very moment…"

So they knew about Near as well…But did they know about me…?

They looked around. The two men didn't appear to recognise me from anywhere and thankfully there were people other than myself standing nearby, so I didn't appear suspicious. Plus they had been talking in Japanese, a language that I actually knew very well since a lot of games were original released in Japanese. Why would I bother waiting several months for a game when all I had to do to get it now was learn a new language? I took a cigarette out of my pocket. It would probably be less suspicious.

I walked right up to them, much to their shock.

"Hey, I was wondering if either of you have a lighter or something?" I spoke in English so they wouldn't assume I knew what they had been saying before. "Mine got confiscated before the plane took off. I didn't know you weren't allowed them on planes."

They both looked at me for a few seconds. This would be considered an insanely bold –and stupid - move if I was supposed to be keeping an eye on them. Hence this very move would prove my innocence.

One of them, a large man with slight facial hair and a calm, yet somehow worried, voice, spoke to me in English.

"Sorry, unfortunately neither of us has a lighter."

I nodded thoughtfully and shrugged softly. "Oh well. Thanks anyway…You know what? This is a sign! I'm going to give up smoking completely. My fiancé hates it." I gave a soft laugh, taking the cigarette from my mouth and chucked it boldly into a nearby bin.

"Ah…Good for you, sir…"

I could practically see the look in both of their eyes, despite my goggles. My bold move had worked and I was cleared of any suspicions they may have had (they probably thought that I was far too stupid to be a spy).

If Mello had been there, he probably would have slapped me for doing something so reckless…In fact, even I would slap myself if I were in Mello's position.

"Well, goodbye, sir…"

They both turned and began walking off to find a cab. I heard the roar of an engine and I saw Mello drive up onto the curve. He must have been waiting for the two men to move before risking picking me up. That probably meant he had seen my bold move. He moved his sunnies down a little to glare at me. "_Idiot_."

I smiled at him mockingly and hopped onto the motorcycle behind my best friend. "They're going to the Kyoto Grand Hotel and Gardens." Mello gave a slight nod and the motorbike shot forward like a lion chasing after some oblivious prey.

-x-

Okay! That is it! I promised myself that I wouldn't add author comments, but this is just making me depressed! Not this story, but you readers. For the past 3 chapters or so, I have gotten only 2-3 reviews (absolutely serious). I know for a fact that more of you read this story! Please review for the love of Jashin and my self-esteem T-T Please don't make me have to set up a rule in which I don't post a chapter unless I get a specific number of reviews, I'd rather not. So I'm sorry for recking the whole seriousness of this chapter, but just because I haven't been putting author comments, doesn't mean I ain't here altogether! Thank you, and please review (and don't yell at me for practically begging for reviews).


	9. Part 9

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 9

Mello parked the motorcycle on the opposite side of the road to the Kyoto Grand Hotel. I got off of the bike, but he stayed on. We both looked to the entrance of the hotel to see one of the two Japanese men walk out, looking rather flustered. I moved slightly to my right to block whatever view the man had had of Mello.

"They haven't seen my face, but they know my name and voice. I think they're in league with Kira." I nodded in response. "Matt, you stay here. I'll tail that guy."

I gave another slight nod. "Okay." Mello drove back into the traffic, disappearing amongst the many cars.

So what was I supposed to do? He probably wanted me to keep my eyes open to see if that other Japanese guy would leave the building soon as well. I gave a soft sigh and made my way onto the footpath. For no apparent reason, I stood next to this small yellow fire hydrant. Above the Hotel's entrance waved flags of the world, including USA, Australia, Britain, Korea and Japan. There was also a flag which was black. Upon it sat a silver winged-heart with the name 'Kira' written underneath it.

I continued to stand there and wait, trying my best to not look suspicious…Was it possible to not look suspicious while you have a pair of bright orange goggles and actual apple red hair? A few taxis honked at me, probably thinking I was waiting for some form of transportation. I shook my head at each one, and they drove on.

I suddenly heard a girl's giggle and I looked up to see the Japanese man walking out of the hotel. His arm was linked with a bubbly blonde girl. I blinked at her.

Were they going out or something?

The girl was actually pretty cute…Though, not as cute as Julia!

They exited the hotel and began walking off to their right. I quickly crossed the road while the traffic lights said I was able to, tailing the two oblivious humans as Mello probably wanted me to. I watched as they entered and exited a few shops, occasionally coming back out with a new shopping bag.

Guess I should call Mello…

I pulled my mobile from my pocket and dialled Mello's number (we had exchanged numbers earlier).

"What's the matter, Matt?"

I leaned against a building, making sure to keep an eye on the two I was tailing. "A young woman…Well, a woman who looks like a child…lives in the room that Mogi went into."

"A woman?"

"At first sight she looks like Mogi's girlfriend. They've gone shopping with their arms linked…If you'll pardon my expression…She's an awfully cute Japanese girl. I can't tell her age, but I'm guessing it's anywhere between 14 and 20."

"Are you serious, Matt?"

…What was with that tone of voice?

"Yeah, very serious."

Did Mello still think that I was gay? I had a girlfriend for Kira's sake! Okay, so I had raped my best friend, so what? It was like, five years ago!

"Okay. I can't do anything yet, so we'll start with that girl."

"Okay."

"I think I've found their head quarters. Come to the Miyako Hotel."

"Okay. See you in a few minutes."

I hung up the phone and hailed a taxi. One pulled up and I hopped in the back. "Where to, sir?"

"Just to the Miyako Hotel."

"…Okay."

I didn't know why he was a bit shocked until we actually got to the hotel. It had actually been in walking distance to the Kyoto Grand Hotel…Oh well. I payed the taxi driver and hopped out of the car, finding Mello on the opposite side of the street from the Miyako. He was looking into the store window of a shop called the 'Jungle Special Collectors Shop'. It seemed to be selling anime items.

"I'm here."

Mello turned around away from the shop, facing me.

"You're going to be staying at the Little Tokyo Hotel." He pointed pass the next shop, which was a Noodle store. Next to it was a small entrance which had a sign reading 'Little Tokyo Hotel'. "We'll set up some cameras to view the entrance of the Miyako Hotel."

I simply nodded, listening to every word my best friend said.

-x-

1st December 2009

I had been watching the entrance of the building for five days…Well, five days if you included the 27th, which I did.

I was busily playing on my Nintendo 3DS prototype (a gaming device which would be officially released next year), with a cigarette in my mouth, deciding to take up the habit once more. I would quit before I went back to Julia…When would that me? Would Mello let me visit her…?

I had been calling her once a day, as I had promised, but it didn't seem like nearly enough.

Mello and I had managed to hide a listening device in Misa Amane's hotel room. The blond hadn't told me where he was staying while he eavesdropped on the cute girl. I didn't know why, he probably still thought that I might try to rape him or something. He didn't have anything to worry about, since I had a girlfriend. Mello had chosen me to monitor the entrance because I was capable of watching several computer screens at once. Actually, my record was about 62 screens. I won't tell you where or when I gained this personal record.

The hotel room was littered with trash since I hadn't been bothered to clean up my mess, nor did I let the cleaner in to clean. I had the 'Do not disturb' sign permanently hanging from the handle.

So there I sat in the dim room, playing my Nintendo 3DS prototype and smoking a cigarette. Luckily, I could play and watch the screens all at once. As I said before, I was perfectly capable of watching several screens at a time. The room was tinted orange since I still wore my goggles, just in case.

I suddenly heard Mello's voice emitting from one of the laptops. "Matt, how's it going for you?"

"Boring." The laptop we used for communication also had an inbuilt microphone so I could talk back to him without having to use my mobile. But it was only a one way line, so Mello could call me but I couldn't call him through it. "I've seen no movement at all. So far they've had all their food and stuff delivered. And both Aizawa and the other Japanese guy who went into the building after him haven't come out. Which makes it very likely that this is their headquarters…But it's so boring watching something that never changes."

"Come on, I'm doing the same thing. And if L is there, then they may think that the SPK tailed Aizawa and discovered their location, so they might decide to move. If you're not careful they could get away."

"Then why don't you change places with me? At least you get to eavesdrop on a cute girl." If I kept calling this girl cute, Mello might realise that I'm actually NOT gay!

"Unlike you I can't watch multiple screens at once, dumb ass. You think my spot is any better? Do you realise how annoying this girl's voice is? It's all Light this, bored that, Misa is a good girl, Light loves Misa, Mogi/Motchi is a good cook, it's getting fucking annoying." He also gave a soft sigh.

"Yeah, well-"

"Hey Matt, is your DNA on profile?"

I paused my game and frowned at nothing in particular. "You mean like with the police and that? I don't think so…Why'd you ask?"

"No reason. What about your girlfriend? What's her whole name?"

"Julia Mills." Well, Marie Mills, though I didn't know this at the time. "But wh-"

"And she lives in Winchester, correct?"

"Well, yeah, I moved in with her abou-"

"Get back to work." There was a beep and Mello's voice disappeared.

…Well, that was weird…

-x-

5th December 2009

I gave a slight frown as I peered at the screens. Mogi and Aizawa were talking to each other outside the building…What could that mean?

Their expressions were grave and serious…

I picked up my phone immediately and called Mello. He picked up before the first ring had finished sounding.

"What's up, Matt?"

"Mogi and Aizawa are outside together. I don't know what they're talking about, but they do look unusually serious for people just chatting outside." Not that I'd actually know about that…

"Okay, keep an eye on them."

"I told you we should have put a listening device out there. I can't read lips Mello, and I'm fairly positive you can't either."

"I said keep an eye on them, Matt! Do you understand that or not?"

"…" My voice retreated into the back of my throat and I just hung up the phone. Mello would probably be able to hear my unspoken words. _'Yes Master'_.

-x-

December 7th 2009

I frowned down at the picture the screen showed. The man I had come to recognise as the person whom delivered the food to the Japanese men in the hotel was smiling happily. In his hands he was clutching a large wad of cash.

…

I quickly made my way out of the hotel, not bothering to put on my faux fur jacket, and speedily walked down the small staircase.

"Excuse me…" The man turned to me, holding the money to his chest protectively.

He sneered. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry." What was I apologising for? "But, do you know anything about the men you have been bringing food in for?"

The man blinked at me and then grinned greedily. "They payed me this lot just to move out all of their junk and stuff." He laughed. "Suckers, I'd have done it for a quarter of the amount they gave me!"

"Do you know anything about them?"

"I couldn't even tell how many there were. Moved 'em out yesterday and they paid me today." He cackled again. This man was a good example of a normal human being from my point of view.

"Are you sure you don't know anything?"

"Quit hassling me, Kiddo!" He glared at me and walked off. I gave a sigh. Mello would kill me…

I turned and quickly made my way back to the hotel, suddenly feeling unsafe without my vest to protect me.

I got inside of the room, closing the door behind me and making my way over to one of my computers. I picked the laptop off of the ground and began to fumble around with it, rewinding the video. There was no sign that there had been an escape, but now I could see that the truck had been there way longer than usual yesterday. Dammit, I should have noticed that…

I quickly called up Mello, using my shoulder to hold the phone to my right ear. As soon as the blond picked up, I could tell he was irked at me.

"What are you doing, Matt?_!_ Mogi's at LAX."

"Damn, they got me! They must have payed the food delivery guy who came yesterday and used his truck to move out along with all their equipment. I questioned the usual delivery guy after he came out counting a wad of money, but the room was already empty…he couldn't even tell me how many of them there were. I had the camera rolling on all the exits and windows, but they used the trucks door to block the view…Shoot…"

Mello was momentarily silent. "Matt, I'm going to tail Mogi to Japan. Follow me right away."

"Huh, Japan…? Seriously…?"

"No, I was kidding. Of course I meant seriously, you idiot!"

"Okay, don't get your leather in a knot. What do I do about the cameras though?"

"Bring one laptop, and one camera without the stand. Leave the rest. The cleaners can have them as amends for the mess you made of the room."

"How did you know the room was a mess?"

"I shared a room with you for eight years. Now quit talking and get moving."

Mello hung up the phone and I sighed softly, shutting down the computer. I'd take this one since it was actually the computer which I had been given at Wammy's. The technology wasn't old enough to be useless.

I wiped the memory of the other three laptops and left a small note apologising for the state of the room. I took one of the cameras off of its tripod and slipped it into my bag, along with the pc. It made my rucksack significantly heavier, but I could take it.

What I didn't expect was for my cell phone to choose that moment to go off. I frowned. Had Mello forgotten to tell me something? I answered the phone, surprised to find that it was Julia's voice on the other line.

"…Matt…I need you to come back…We need to talk about something…" Her voice sounded worried, yet somehow calm at the same time. "I…I found this disc…And…Listen, I'm not angry at you, I just need to talk to you about it…"

…She had found the disc about Mello and I…Shit, I had forgotten to get rid of it…

"Julia, let me explain-"

"I don't care about this video, Matt, I just need to see you…I love you, Sweetie…"

I was silent for a few seconds. "Julia…I love you to, I really do…I'll be there as soon as possible. We'll sort this out."

"…Thank you, Matt." There was more confidence in her voice. "…I love you."

"I'll see you soon."

I don't know if I kept that promise, since I did see her again…She just wasn't alive by that time…

-x-

I'd caught a taxi to LAX, and right now I was looking over available flights. For some off reason, it appeared that today there weren't going to be any flights straight to Japan…Wait…

My eyes caught onto a certain plane flight.

It was headed to the South Hampton Airport, and then 2 hours later it was going to head to the Tokyo International Airport.

I could go to Winchester to make sure that Julia was okay, and then follow Mello to Japan!

Thank you Kira!

-x-

…It was all my fault…That's what Mello had told me…It was my fault that he had killed her…And at the time, I had actually believed him…He had blamed me for her entire murder, even though he was the one whom had committed it.


	10. Part 10

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 10

I had taken my car back to Julia's house since I had left it at the airport before I went to New York. I parked it in the driveway and got out of my car, humming softly.

I got to the door of the house and turned the handle, finding that it was unlocked.

That's weird…

I walked into our shared house. The air was thick with the scent of gasoline and…and…

Death.

I stared at the bloody figure of Julia whom lay limp on the floor. Her eyes were closed and she was deathly pale. My angel's countenance was as calm and peaceful as it always was, her eyes closed as if she were merely sleeping. The only thing which made me assume otherwise was the knife which abruptly stuck out of her body and the blood which ran out of her mouth. The murder weapon was angled so it went beneath the ribs to pierce her fragile right lungs.

I quickly ran forward, calling out her name. I collapsed onto my knees and brought her cold body onto my lap. I shook her to try and wake her up, but her eyes didn't open.

"Julia!"

"Pathetic."

My eyes snapped wider and I spun my head around. Much to my shock, Mello stood leaning against the wall next to the open door. In his leather clad hand he clutched a chocolate bar.

I stared at my best friend, and then back at Julia. "Quick! Call an ambulance! We have to get her to a hospital!"

Mello sneered and moved forward, grabbing onto my shoulder. He pulled me back and I was forced to let go of my lifeless angel.

"She's already dead, Matt. Get over it. You're just getting blood over yourself." I continued to stare at her body, my own feeling completely numb. Slowly I crawled forward a little and put a hand out to her cheek, resting my palm against the pale flesh. The skin still had traces of dying warmth left. "…See Matt? This is what it felt like to me when L was killed. Don't you just want to kill me for destroying your future?"

I felt just as dead as Julia.

My entire future had just been crushed to dust by my best friend.

I soundlessly stood up, brushing Mello's hand off of my shoulder. I turned and walked into the kitchen. Opening one of the drawers, I pulled out a lighter. I walked back out the front door and pulled a cigarette from my pocket. I put it in between my shivering lips and used the lighter to light it. My hands were trembling; making it more difficult than necessary, but soon my death stick was lit. I slipped the lighter into my pocket and breathed in the sweet intoxicating smoke.

I felt a hand slip into my pocket, but I didn't move. Mello pulled the lighter out of my vest and moved back out of my vision.

"I'm going to set the house on fire. Anything you want to get out of it first?"

I didn't move. I just continued to soundlessly smoke my death stick.

After a few minutes, I could feel the fire burning a few metres behind me.

I finally felt myself become practically ripped from the tiny box I had built around myself so many years ago, and it felt terrible.

I was never the same after Julia's death.

My voice no longer existed. My voice had never existed.

I suddenly felt a hand slap the left side of my face hard, bringing me back to the reality which was cruel.

"Come on, stop feeling sorry for yourself. I thought you were better than this, Mail."

I finally looked at Mello. The light of the fire danced on his scarred skin and made his eyes even fiercer than they usually were. It was all too much for me.

I lunged at him. My arms were around him, and my face was buried in his neck. He seemed shocked by the unexpected act. I was trembling, and I just wanted someone to hold me.

Mello had killed the love of my life.

My third angel, Julia...Marie.

I no longer had any future.

The only person I had left in my life was Mello.

He could beat me until I was nothing but a bloody pulp. Destroy my future right in front of my eyes. Order me around like I was no better than some voiceless mutt.

But no matter what he did to me, I would always stand back up.

A few seconds went by and I felt Mello put his arms around me as well. Neither of us had any future. Mello's future had died with L and mine had died with Julia.

We stood there in front of the burning wreckage of my life, holding onto each other innocently.

"Matt…" I just gave a slight nod against his neck. "…Come on. The fire department will be here soon. Plus we have a plane to catch."

Mello let go of me, but I refused to relinquish my grip on his body. He gave a soft growl, but he didn't hurt me. Instead, the blond pried my arms from around his body and turned. I quickly grabbed onto the hem of his leather jacket. I felt so insecure all of a sudden. He stopped and looked back at me. His fingers slipped down and grabbed onto my hand which had disrupted him, pulling it from his jacket. Mello entwined our fingers and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm not going anywhere without you, idiot." Mello smirked slightly, as if he hadn't just killed someone. Was it my fault? "Come on, we gotta get moving."

He suddenly started into a run. Our hands were still locked naively and I ran as well. We hopped onto his motorcycle and I had to let go of his hand. I wrapped my arms around him as he revved the engine. The motorbike jumped forward, driving towards the airport. I could now hear the sirens of the fire department behind us as we made our escape.

"If you're wondering why I'm here instead of Japan, it is because Mogi and Amane stopped off here as well. Mogi probably wanted to check up at Wammy's to see if I'd gone to Roger for help or something like that." I nodded against his back, feeling the leather against my cheek. "…So you're a mute again…?" I didn't move at all.

-x-

We were now on the plane, headed to Japan. The whole way I had my head resting on Mello's shoulder with my fingers clenching his leather sleeve. He didn't say anything about my distress or my insecurity but Mello seemed more than aware of it. So my best friend let me hold onto his arm the whole flight. Actually, now that I think about it, he probably wanted me to be like this.

-x-

Mello didn't tell me anything about the place we were staying; all I could tell was that it was in an apartment complex. The whole way I was clutching onto the hem of Mello's leather jacket.

We got inside the room and Mello shut the door.

"You can let go of me now." I looked down but refused to relinquish my grip on his jacket. He gave a sigh. "Pathetic. I'm going to have a shower."

He shrugged off the leather and disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door before I could get hold of him again. I gave a sad frown and bought Mello's jacket to my chest.

It smelt faintly of my best friend.

I looked around the apartment.

There was a single bed which had plain white bed sheets. A small kitchenette, a bathroom which had the toilet inside of it, a reasonable sized TV and it had a large window. Beneath the window was an indoor windowsill which had several cushions on, revealing that it was meant for sitting.

I pulled my faux fur vest off, and listened to the shower for a few seconds before also kicking my shoes off. I crawled onto the single bed, keeping to the left of it. Instead of going under the covers, I just pulled Mello's leather jacket over my torso and pulled my goggles off of my head. They dropped uselessly to the floor and I cuddled up with the pillow and Mello's leather.

-x-

When I woke up again, it was dark. The only light in the room was the moonlight which streamed in through the large window, bathing the space with a soft elegant white.

The silhouette of my best friend sat on the cushions of the windowsill. He was looking at something in his hands, which I made out to be his crucifix. I sat up slowly and went to say his name, to find that my voice didn't exist…Oh yeah…

I felt a hollow feeling in my stomach as I remembered that Julia was dead. Mello had killed her. I had killed her. It was my entire fault.

I looked down at Mello's leather jacket which now lay in my lap. The blond looked over at me, finally noticing I was awake. He stared for a few seconds before talking.

"I had to kill her." I tilted my head at him slightly and solemnly. "…I wanted to see if the girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with was as great as you seemed to think she was. So I searched her name around the internet, and eventually I found her address. When I got there however, the door was unlocked. I went inside and there she was…I admit, she was beautiful, but she was as drunk as a mule." My eyes widened. But… "She started screaming at me, saying that I was the one that you had screwed. I suddenly heard a moan and I looked over at the TV which showed undoubtedly the scene of my last hour at Wammy's."

My eyes widened. But…But she had seemed so cool about it over the phone…

"The next thing I knew, she came at me with the knife. I quickly grabbed it from her, but she lunged at me again. I had no choice but to stab her."

I looked up at my best friend. Even now I have no idea if what he said was true or not, but I didn't doubt him at the time.

Looking back, he had enough reason to want her dead…what was it that you really wanted, Mihael? Loyalty? Sex? You didn't have to kill her; I would never deny you anything you wanted. But you still saw her as being in your way…Is that why you really got rid of her?

Because you didn't want to be second to anybody…No matter the context…

"…Thank you, Mello…"

"Thank you? What for?"

I looked down at Mello's leather jacket. Even I didn't know what I was thanking him for. My fingers clutched the leather tighter. The moonlight made the material extremely shiny.

I rolled over and pulled the covers over me, still clutching Mello's jacket to my chest.

A minute went by and I felt the bed sag a bit. Mello rolled me over to look at him. "It was your fault, Matt." He pulled me against his chest. "_It was_ _your entire fault_."

The leather jacket I had been holding fell uselessly to the floor as I put my arms around Mello, holding onto him insecurely. He stroked my hair softly, continuing to tell me that I was the one to blame for her death. I closed my eyes and soon fell into a terrible dream.

It was my fault. My entire fault. Mine alone. She had died all because of me. Why would Mello even want me as a friend? I was useless. All I ever did in life was hurt people…I was an appalling human, I deserved to die.

-x-

December 8th 2009

I woke up the next morning as Mello stood up out of the bed. He stretched slightly and looked back at me.

"Okay, I'm going to get an apartment for myself, I'll call you once I get some leads an-" I quickly moved forward and flung my arms around his waist. "Hey! Let go of me!"

I refused to relinquish my grip. Mello couldn't leave me again; I wouldn't be able to take it if he left me again. If he did, then my only option left would be suicide.

He struggled, but I was somehow stronger than him.

"Okay, let go and I'll buy you a new videogame!" I didn't let go. "I'll give you $1000 equivalent in yen to spend!" Nope. "I'll buy you an entire videogame store for fucks sake!" I continued to hold on to him. Mello was silent for a few seconds. "Fine, if you let go then I'll have sex with you."

There was a soft silence and I let go. He sneered at me.

"You're no better than the mafia. Whatever." He crawled back onto the bed and on top of me. Before he could do anything else, I grabbed onto his waist again, rolling over so we were on our sides. I buried my face in his neck and didn't let go of him. "Hey! Bastard! Let go of me already!"

I shook my head against his neck and continued to hold onto his waist. After a few minutes, Mello stopped struggling. I heard him sigh and felt a gloved hand begin to idly play with my red hair.

"You're so bizarre…Fine, if you let go of me, I won't get my own apartment and I will stay here with you." I hesitated for a few seconds, before I let go of him. Mello gave a sigh and stopped stroking my hair. "What is it you want from me? Look, it is a good thing that Julia is dead. She might have gone to the police with that disc and they could have hunted you down. You would probably have spent the rest of your life in jail."

I didn't move for a few seconds, taking in what he said. But I knew Julia…She wasn't the co-dependent type…She wouldn't have gone to the police; she would have just talked it out with me. Julia was always so accepting. She knew that no one was capable of changing the past and that everyone made mistakes. I pulled away from Mello's body and rolled over so my back was to him. I scooted to the other side of the bed and pulled the covers over my head.

Mello sneered and I felt the bed weight shift as he stood back up. "Idiot."


	11. Part 11

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 11

December 11th 2009

"Matt. Stop moping around and get me some chocolate." I looked up at my best friend from the bed. He sneered at me. "Every time I'm in public there is a risk that there may be someone from the Japanese Task Force, and that they might recognise me. It's safer if you go out to get me chocolate since they don't know you're linked to me."

I sat up and looked down at the sheets as they pooled around my waist. My eyes looked back at Mello, who was sitting on the window seat again and typing on my laptop. I gave a soft sigh and a slight nod, getting out of the bed. My goggles still lay on the floor where I had dropped them four days ago. I picked them up and slipped the accessory over my blue eyes, changing the world orange.

-x-

I had gotten Mello enough chocolate to probably last a week with the money he had given me, and I bought myself two packets of cigarettes (despite the fact that it was illegal to sell people under the age of 20 cigarettes in Japan). I had no reason to give up smoking anymore, did I?

As I was walking back to the apartment complex, I unintentionally crashed into someone. I dropped the two bags of chocolate onto the ground accidentally. I quickly crouched down to pick them both back up. Some of the bars had spilt out of the plastic bags.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The man who had crashed into me quickly crouched down as well, helping me with the chocolate. He had black round hair with ragged ends and a pair of childish brown eyes. The Japanese man smiled at me apologetically. "I wasn't looking where I was going." He laughed softly but stopped when he saw what I was buying. "…Huh? Chocolate?" I gave a soft nod, and faked a smile at the immature man. "That reminds me of this guy we're trying to catch! His name is Mello!" The man laughed again, and I managed to hide my surprise. Instead I tilted my head to the side questionably. "…Oh wait…I don't think I'm supposed to say that…" I picked up my bags and we both straightened up. The man laughed again, rubbing the back of his head. "I never said that, okay? Well anyway, I have to go. Sorry again for bumping into you. See ya!" He bowed at me slightly.

I smiled at him falsely and bowed back. He quickly took off to wherever he was headed. I watched him leave, looking him up and down.

So he must have been with the Japanese Task Force as well…Though he didn't seem to find me too suspicious…Must be an idiot.

I continued walking towards the apartment complex, wondering faintly if Mello would let me smoke in the room.

-x-

December 12th 2009

We were both watching the NHN news. I immediately hated Kira's new spokesperson, Kiyomi Takada.

"_The Japanese Police announced at 3:00pm today that four members of the SPK who escaped from New York have entered Japan. The police are initiating a full search for these people and are calling for public suppor__t. It is in Kira's best interest that these four are caught as soon as possible and bought to Justice."_

Near is in Japan as well?

"Of course that Twit would come here as well."

So Mello still had the idea in his head that he was competing against Near…

The blond shook his head and went back to typing on the computer. I frowned at him slightly. After a few minutes of frowning at him, he caught on to me and looked up. "What is it?"

I tilted my head to the side. I wanted to know what he was doing since he had been spending more time on my laptop than he did anything else. He looked at me for a few more seconds, before looking back at the laptop. "Do you know that I've actually met L as L?" I shook my head and waited for him to expand on the statement. He didn't.

Oh, I get it. Mello wanted me to talk again, so he was trying to spark my curiosity which he wouldn't allow to settle unless I spoke. I stood up and moved over to look at the laptop screen. He had a Microsoft Word page running. I looked at it for a few seconds before Mello slammed the computer shut. I gave a sigh and moved back over to the bed, sitting down on it uselessly. Mello didn't know about my photographic memory, did he? I looked over the mental photo I had created in those few seconds of looking at the computer screen and mentally read out what Mello had written.

"_Notice anything, Ryuzaki?"_

"_What?"_

"_Anything about these photographs strike you as unnatural?"_

"…_They're all dead?"_

"_Being dead is not unnatural."_

"_How philosophic."_

"_Be serious. Look – the bodies are in_

That was the point that Mello had been up to writing.

…Was Mello writing a book?

I picked up my Game Boy Colour and began to play on the primitive gaming device. My ears perked when I heard Mello turn the TV off, ridding my mind of the annoying female voice of Takada.

I hope Kira kills that girl.

We began to sit in almost silence, the typing of keys and the playing of games not nearly sufficiently filling the void.

-x-

December 13th 2009

Mello's 20th birthday.

When I awoke that day, I saw Mello lying on the ground, staring intently at the ceiling. For a few minutes I wasn't sure if he was on some level of unconsciousness, but then I saw him move the chocolate bar he clutched in his hand to his mouth and take a chunk out of it.

I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I still didn't have a voice.

Mello suddenly tossed the chocolate to the side, clearly frustrated by something. He sat up and his eyes locked with mine. My best friend's gaze seemed to soften, and he gave a sigh.

"Matt, do you realize how much you affected me?" Mello was clearly referring back to when I had pretty much raped him. I soundlessly shook my head. "Of course you wouldn't." He snickered. "Whatever…" He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but then closed it again. Mello gave a sigh. "Like hell I would let you anyway." I blinked at him, confused. "It doesn't matter in the least."

"…Mello…"

It was his turn to blink in confusion. He quickly shook his head to clear it, sneering. "It's nothing to do with you, I was just thinking what would happen if I got my hands on a Death Note. Whatever, have you finally stopped moping?"

I looked at him sadly.

"I'm sorry, Mello." I was apologizing for the way I had been acting lately. It had been my fault that Julia had died, so there was no reason to be upset.

"No use in apologizing, idiot, you can't change anything. Saying 'Sorry' or asking for 'Forgiveness' won't change a fucking thing."

"If you wanted forgiveness from me, Mello…You wouldn't even have to ask for it…I forgive you for everything that has happened to me."

"Happened to you? HAPPENED TO YOU?" Mello stood up, clearly enraged. "_WHAT _HAS HAPPENED TO _YOU_? _I'VE_ HAD HALF OF MY FACE PRACTICALLY MELTED!" _I've had an addiction to nicotine. _"MY WHOLE LIFE I'VE BEEN BEATEN BY THE BIG HEADED TWIT, NEAR!" _My whole life I've been physically beaten by you. _"L IS DEAD!" _Julia is dead. _ "I JOINED THE MAFIA!" _I became a computer hacker. _"I GET RAPED BY MY BEST FRIEND WHEN I WAS ALREADY IN A MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY WEAK STATE!" _I had to live with the guilt of doing that to you. _"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU FUCKING FORGOT ALL ABOUT ME, GOT A GIRLFRIEND, GOT A LIFE, EVERYTHING YOU COULD ASK FOR IN A FUCKING LIFE!" _I never forgot about you entirely, even when I thought that I had. _"SO WHAT IF YOU DON'T HAVE IT ANY MORE? AT LEAST YOU HAD IT!"

I stared at my best friend, mildly surprised by his outburst. "I never forgot about you, Mello."

The blonde stared at me for a few seconds before giving a soft sigh. "Whatever."

"Happy Birthday, Mello."

My best friend stared down at the floor for a few seconds, before looking back up at me with his piercing blue eyes. "…Matt…" Mello walked forward to the bed and crawled onto it. He sat down on my waist and leaned down, bringing my lips into a soft kiss.

I really wasn't surprised by this act, pressing back against Mello's mouth immediately. The blond bit down on my bottom lip gently and I opened my mouth. Our tongues began to fight in a battle of dominance with no winner.

I felt Mello's hands slip under my shirt, feeling my warm, unbruised, skin. He soon removed my stripy shirt altogether and we quickly began another kiss as soon as the material was across the room.

My right hand rested on Mello's left hip, while my left hand unzipped his leather vest. Mello shrugged the clothing off of his body, putting it down on the floor just next to the bed. The vest accidentally fell on top of my goggles, which I had discarded there last night. I made a mental note of where they were so I wouldn't be looking all over the place later.

Both of my hands slipped to the ties of his leather pants, undoing them as quickly as possible. My fingers slipped further up to Mello's silver belt, working quickly on undoing the fancy accessory.

As I undid his belt, I could feel Mello's still gloved fingers undoing mine. After less than a minute, both of our belts were on the floor, and so were Mello's shiny leather pants. Underneath his pants, my best friend wore a pair of tight black briefs. He pulled off his gloves and I pulled off mine as well.

Mello was in the process of pulling off my faded blue jeans. In a few seconds they were on the floor as well, revealing my pair of dark blue boxers from beneath the denim material.

My hands went to the hem of Mello's black briefs, hooking my fingers under the rim of the material. I pulled them off of the blond and dropped them carelessly onto the floor. Mello's scar ran down the left side of his neck, slightly down the left side of his chest, and covered the top of his left shoulder. For a lot of people, it would have probably been a turn off, but I really didn't care about it. Mello had been through a lot of trauma, both mentally and physically.

I pushed Mello off of my waist and leaned down, taking the blond into my mouth. The blond gave a muffled grunt and gripped my red hair with one hand. With his free right hand, Mello grabbed onto my left, bringing it to his mouth. He sucked almost desperately on three of my fingers, bucking his hips slightly as I continued to suck on him.

I removed my fingers from his mouth and moved them to his entrance, pushing my index finger into him.

Mello gave a muffled gasp, gripping my hair even tighter. Without warning I inserted my second finger and began to hunt for my best friend's prostate. I didn't locate it, so I pushed my third finger in as well.

After a few more finger thrusts I finally found it. Mello arched his back. I could tell he was close so I pulled my mouth away from his length and my fingers out of his heat.

He gave an annoyed whine and pushed me down onto my back. The next thing I knew, Mello had pulled my dark blue boxers off and impaled himself on my own length. I had forgotten how unbelievably hot and tight my best friend felt on the inside.

A few mere seconds passed before Mello started forcefully moving up and down on my length. My hands moved to Mello's waist, helping to slam him down harder. Mello moaned as he rammed my cock into his prostate.

A hot sweat had already broken out on his slightly tanned skin as he continued to fuck himself senseless on my arousal.

I sat up, wrapping my arms around his waist. I slammed him down onto my length harder, hitting his prostate. Mello moaned and clutched onto me. Now both of our bodies were drenched in sweat. I began to nip and suck at Mello's neck, continuing to slam him down. I was so close.

My hand moved to Mello's length, pumping him hard and fast. He moaned my name as he came over my hand. I wiped his cum on the bed sheets.

His hot walls suddenly constricted around my length, causing me to released my essence inside of his lithe body.

I lay back on the bed, and Mello had to rest both of his hands on the mattress for support.

For some reason I suddenly felt dirty. I had fallen victim to lust and loyalty. Strangely, I didn't mind.

A few minutes passed between us with just our breathing to fill the void. Mello eventual gave a sigh and pulled my length out of him. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. "Don't fall in love with me, Mail."

He stood up and stretched slightly, picking his clothes off of the floor. I watched him get dressed and sit down on the window seat, turning on my laptop.

I gave a soft yawn. "Okay, I promise." I rolled onto my side and pulled the covers back over my naked body, closing my eyes to sleep.

That was a promise that I kept.

-x-

Okay, I need to talk again =.= Sorry, but this is a different topic. Kas said that chappy nine was similar to another fan fic (Angel of Death by Argella) and I feel I need to talk since I couldn't PM Kas about this. Please believe me when I say that I haven't read this fan fiction. I had a look at the chapter which Kas specified in the comment, and I can see why they are similar. Argella just has the same tactic as me where you use scenes from the manga ^-^ A few people probably do that trying to make the story as Cannon and realistic as possible ^-^ So it was really just a coincidence of sorts ^-^.

PLEASE Review D=


	12. Part 12

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 12

Sex became a big part in our relationship.

We weren't lovers, or anything like that, we were still just Best Friends. Nothing more, and nothing less.

I was never in love with Mello, and I hope that Mello was never in love with me…I never did ask if he was or if he wasn't…

There were a lot of things I never asked him…

I regret that now.

For five minutes I should have paused my games or worked up the urge to ask him something. I know there were plenty of times where he would have probably told me anything I asked him.

I never found out when he met L, what he would do if we did defeat Kira, when he came to Wammy's, who I was to him, where he wanted to go when he died, and why he didn't want me to fall in love with him…

I wish at one point I had asked at least one of these questions…Sadly, I never did.

-x-

December 19th 2009

"Matt, put some clothes on and go get me some more chocolate."

I gave a yawn and sat up in the bed, rubbing my eyes. "Whatever you want, Mello." I got up out of the bed and began putting my clothes back on.

-x-

I placed the bags of chocolate on the floor, taking one bar out of the bag. Mello was busily typing away on the laptop. "We should get another computer."

I gave a slight shrug and tossed him the chocolate bar. "Good idea."

"We're moving places the day after tomorrow." I gave a nod and sat back on the bed, grabbing my Game Boy from the side table.

-x-

December 20th 2009

I think that in the case of repeating myself, I shall skip right to the end of our daily sex as I believe that this is supposed to be the story of my life, and not an Erotic Novel.

We lay there panting for a minute or two, just trying to catch our breath.

"Hey, Mello?"

Said blond gave a soft yawn. He was always in a good mood after pleasure. "Huh?"

I wanted to ask him why he didn't want me to fall in love with him. "You going to have a shower or can I have the first one?" Huh? Why did I ask that instead?

"Hmmm? Oh, sure, I'll have a shower tomorrow morning."

I nodded and got off of Mello. He rolled over and I got off the bed.

This apartment was larger than the last one and actually had a double bed instead of a single one. It made no real distance to me.

I partly closed the bathroom door behind me instinctively, but I didn't close it fully in case Mello wanted to join me in the shower. I looked myself in the mirror slightly. I think I had lost some weight since I'd moved to Japan. Weird.

I walked to the shower and turned the knobs until it was at an appropriate temperature.

-x-

Mello was fast asleep when I exited the bathroom. I pulled my boxers back on and crawled into the bed with him. Mello looked so peaceful when he was asleep…I put an arm around him and pulled my best friend to my chest, falling asleep not soon after.

-x-

December 21st 2009

I woke up to find that Mello was also conscious. He was delicately running a hand through my soft red locks. "Didn't I tell you not to fall in love with me, Matt?"

I blinked softly at him and gave a yawn. "I haven't."

"Good."

-x-

December 25th 2009

I was walking back to the apartment after being sent out to buy Mello another laptop. It was Christmas Day. I was nearing the apartment, when I suddenly heard the sound of laughter. A few metres in front of me was a young Japanese boy, probably about the age of 5 or 6, kicking a brand new ball up into the air.

I watched as the boy continued to play with the toy. As I neared him, I watched as he kicked the ball a bit too hard. It bounced away from him and onto the busy road. He was about to run out to get it.

I quickly ran the last few steps and grabbed the little boy before he walked out onto the road. A pitch black car drove past on the street. If I hadn't have stopped the boy, he would most certainly have gotten hit by it.

"My baby!" I looked up as a woman with long hair was running towards the two of us. She was probably about the age of 23.

"Mummy!" I let go of the child and he ran towards his mother, flinging his small arms around the woman. The runt was actually crying. I took a drag of my cigarette, and continued to walk as if nothing had happened.

"Sir…Thank you so much for saving my son…"

I stopped and turned around to look at the pair. A soft, childish smile graced my lips. "Merry Christmas."

-x-

I entered the apartment to find Mello sitting on one of the two wooden chairs. The curtain to the window had been drawn back. The blond looked up at me. "I saw you save that boy's life."

I closed the door and took the cigarette out of my mouth. "If he had taken two steps onto the road, I wouldn't have tried."

The blond tilted his head to the side slightly, giving me a new expression which I somehow couldn't decipher. "What if he had taken one step onto the road?"

With my free hand, I moved my goggles to my forehead. I smiled at my best friend immaturely. "I would probably be dead right now."

Mello frowned at me and stood up. "Don't you DARE do anything so risky! You're the only one who can help me capture Kira! If you die, then I might as well be dead as well! For what? To save the life of some little fucking 6 year old? Who gives a flying fuck if a little runt gets run over by some random car? It's not like you'll be going to hell if you don't save someone's life, it's not your fault that they fucking died!"

…Was Mello telling me that it wasn't my fault that Julia had died?

I looked down at the floor for a few soundless seconds. Mello mustn't have known about Mercy…I smiled at him softly.

No, he had told me that it was my fault that Julia had died, so it was therefore my fault.

"I'm sorry, Mello. You're right; it's just a stupid six year old boy. I promise you it won't happen again." I walked forward to Mello and passed him the plastic bag. "I got you something extra."

Mello blinked and me and looked into the plastic bag. Swimming in the many bars of chocolate was a motorbike helmet. Mello pulled it out of the bag and looked at it. "…Matt…"

"Merry Christmas."

Mello examined the helmet, looking at it all over. "I got you something too. It's under your pillow." I blinked at the blond and then looked over at the bed. "What are you waiting for? Go see what it is, idiot."

I gave a slight nod and moved over to said bed, lifting up the pillow on the left side. My gloved hands lifted the soft cushion up, revealing the shiny present from underneath it. I picked it up and placed the pillow back down, examining the gift closely. It was a shiny black leather Cigarette Case with a silver metal trim. I opened it to find that it was already filled with death sticks. Didn't Mello hate me smoking? I turned back to him questionably.

"If you're not going to give up that disgusting habit, at least do it in style."

I stared blankly down at the Cigarette Case before placing it onto the bedside table soundlessly. I turned around and walked back to Mello, putting one arm around his neck. My other arm snaked around his waist as I pulled my best friend close to me. Our lips became locked in a kiss which was oddly passionate.

Never had we ever had a kiss with so much feeling, and we never did again.

I didn't realise what this meant at the time, but only now have I finally come to a conclusion of the kiss.

It was a sign.

I was capable of falling in love with Mello.

But I didn't act on it, and the possibility slipped away…I wonder if Mello acted upon this feeling though…As they say, it takes two to tango, so Mello must have felt the same feeling as I had from the kiss…

Mello was capable of falling in love with me as well…He was smarter than me, and more aware of emotions…He must have realised what the passion in the kiss meant…

-x-

December 31st 2009

New Year's Eve.

Mello and I sat on the white couch of our apartment, watching the TV. It was time for the 60th annual NHN New Year's Music Show. Mello was making me watch it, even though I really wasn't the music type. Plus Takada was the host…Oh, how I hated her. I still hate her, actually.

Takada was currently announcing the show. "Only a few hours until the New Year, folks. Hi, I'm Kiyomi Takada, and 2009 has been a year of many breakthroughs for me. And to top off all those breakthroughs, I've been honoured to be selected as this years Music Show host. And next to me we have Ami Hamasaki to support the ladies of the Red Team. Ami will be playing Oryo in next year's historical drama, Sakamoto Ryoma."

The girl standing next to the bitc- I mean, Takada, smiled at the acknowledgement. "I'm going to cheer on for the Red Team with all my might!"

"And Hideki Ryuga will be supporting the men on the White Team!"

"Thanks. We may play a couple in the Drama, but today Oryo's my enemy. Get ready to see her team go down!"

Ami gave a competitive, playful expression. "That's my line, Ryoma!"

"Now there is something I must apologize to all the viewers for at this point. Unfortunately, Misa-Misa, AKA, Misa Amane, who was scheduled to start the show has not yet arrived."

…Misa Amane…Wasn't that the girl whom Mello and I had been stalking a few weeks ago?

"Lady Takada, I guess this is part of doing a live show, isn't it? And it's just like Misa-Misa to be late, anyway."

"That's right. Who knows what's going to happen next! So you have to keep your eye on this show!"

"Don't worry, everybody, the Red Team isn't going to back down just yet!"

"In Misa-Misa's stead, we have Ayame Asaoka, who earlier received the grand prize at the CD awards."

A young girl with black hair gave a wave to the audience. "Hi. Don't worry, I'll do my best!"

"And she'll be singing 'Kira's Dazzling World'!"

The lights turned down and the spotlight landed on the girl, Ayame, as she took centre stage. She closed her eyes and began to sing passionately into her microphone.

"Those who seek of Kira's light,

You all must join in the fight.

My message to those who've soared,

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World.

Perhaps if we do sing our life,

We will never live in strife,

Sing of all those we adored

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World.

So the criminals will be slain,

All theirs sins shall end in shame,

And their cries will be ignored,

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World.

Oh, look at us standing here,

Oh, look at us without a fear.

Let's sing a song of our Lord,

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World."

The crowed cheered and I stood up. Mello looked at me, almost confused. "This is boring."

Mello didn't say anything as I made my way back to the bed, picking up my Nintendo 3DS Prototype.

-x-

January 1st 2010

New Year's Day. One month to my Birthday. 26 days to my death day.

Mello had actually made me dye my hair. My once naturally red locks were now a greenish brown. Even Mello agreed that my hair looked better before, but it would be for the best since brown was less eye-catching than apple red.

…

I still didn't like my new hair colour…But I didn't dare disobey Mello's judgement.

…

Heh…Maybe you were right Mello…I was a dog.

…

-x-

January 4th 2010

This was the day we both found out that Mello was Pregnant…Only Joking! Ha ha, I just wanted to mess with your mind. Ha ha.

So anyway, this brings me onto a quite important topic. My characterisation. I bet you have pictured me as some bleak, emo, hypocritical, low-self-esteemed, Holden Caulfield crossed with Monsieur Meursault type…And you're probably right…

But there is more to me than that. You may remember near the beginning of my story that I was telling you how stubborn I was. I still am stubborn, actually. I am stubborn, and even though I am no longer soundless, I am still voiceless.

Now don't think of me as some cold, bleak, pain in the ass…Okay, so maybe I am a pain in the ass (to Mello)…But look, I just made a joke! I do have a sense of humour after all.

I'm still human.

…Wait…

Isn't that a bad thing?

Well, I guess I am a hypocrite after all. I suck.


	13. Part 13

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 13

January 9th 2010

Mello and I had moved into a new apartment. We couldn't stay in one place for too long, so it was a good idea to keep moving.

This apartment was far less luxurious than the past two. It was a 2 roomed apartment which was situated above an old tailor shop. Old and broken mannequins were strewn in the corners of the room, giving it a rather creepy atmosphere. The windows were covered by tattered and ripped purple curtains, and damaged blinds. The walls were chipped and dirty. Large white sheets covered all of the furniture. The rent was dirt cheap.

We walked into the dusty room, followed by the tailor's wife. She was a kind, elderly Japanese woman with black hair and hints of wrinkles.

"I sorry for wrong looks." She said this in English, which she clearly wasn't good at.

Mello came to her aid. "It's okay; we're both fluent in Japanese."

"Oh," the woman now spoke in Japanese, "that is good then. I am sorry for the state of the apartment. I have been meaning to get around to cleaning it, but business has been busy recently since my husband added to our advert that we approved of Kira."

Both of us nodded. "That is fine." I smiled at her, soft and fake. "Neither of us are high maintenance anyway."

"Oh, and I apologize that there is only a double bed. You see, my son used to live here with his girlfriend, but he moved out when they got married."

"That's okay." Mello looked around the place critically. "We're best friends. Not like we haven't shared a bed before."

The Japanese woman nodded and handed Mello a keychain which had two keys on it. "One of the keys is for the apartment. The other is a key to the rooftop. I have a small garden up there. I'll let you see it, as long as you promise not to step on any of my flowers, or plants."

"We promise."

-x-

January 11th 2010

Mello was busily listening to one of the two laptops. This apartment didn't have a TV, so he took to watching the NHN news on the internet. Much to my joy, he wore a pair of headphones to listen to it. I hated Takada, and he seemed to have realised.

The blond sat on one of the two chairs which we had uncovered beneath some of the white furniture blankets. Mello sat on one which was coloured a chocolate-like brown, while I sat on the one which was a soft yellow. My best friend sat watching the screens with his feet resting against the edges of the pale coffee table. The entire room was illuminated by a solitary lamp which also stood on the table. I sat playing on my white Nintendo DS, the world appearing orange because of my goggles.

I still hated my new hair colour.

-x-

January 14th 2010

I opened the door to the roof, finding Mello sitting on a stone bench in the 'small' rooftop garden. In actual fact, it basically was an entire park. It even had genuine grass.

It must have been expensive, and that women must be one hell of a gardener.

I looked up at the sky. The vast never ending darkness was blocked by storm clouds, which even blotted out the shine of the full moon. I walked over to the stone bench, which was situated at the edge of the rooftop. My best friend didn't look over at me as I sat down next to him; he just continued to stare downwards. I leaned on the rooftop railing to look at whatever it was Mello found so fascinating. We looked out at the world below. People were walking along the streets without a care. Some were laughing, some were talking, all were happy. Mello and I stared down solemnly.

I stood back up and walked over to an oddly familiar plant. A Rose Bush. My gloved fingers plucked one of the sweet scented flowers from the stem, leaving it with no thorns. I walked to the stone bench once more, and sat back down next to my best friend, holding the red rose out for him to take. He finally looked at me solemnly, eyes the flower. The blond took it in his right hand, looking down at the rose. He held it over the edge of the railing and purposely dropped it. I put my hand out to take his left hand reassuringly. Our fingers entwined innocently as we watched the rose descend to the world below.

A splash of red in a dying, grey, planet.

Mello began to sing sorrowfully to the both of us.

"I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do you? It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lift. The baffled king, composing 'Hallelujah'."

His voice had changed since I had last heard him singing the angel's song exactly thirteen years ago. Now his voice was deeper and the words were not as pretty. But there was so much emotion behind the lyrics. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, but the most beautiful and breathtaking masterpiece was nothing compared to the feeling behind my best friend's dark words.

"Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair, and she broke your throne and she cut your hair; and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah."

A thousand words behind a picture. For Mello's singing, even a million words was an understatement.

Grief, misery, remorse, guilt, suffering, hate, pride, dignity, trauma, guilt, shame, horror, fear, strength, despise, guilt, anguish, torment, agony, blame, disgust, distress, pity, hopelessness, desperation, anxiety…Did I say guilt already?

So many feelings, there were some emotions which didn't even have names yet.

Tropety (pronounced Troh-peh-ty) is a word I made up for one of these emotions.

Definition- A feeling of intense emotion which is not capable of being described. Eg- 'That person there seems to be suffering from tropety.' And 'I hope I'll never experience tropety.'

"Baby I have been here before, I know this room, I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and Love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah."

Yep, definitely Tropety.

I could tell from the way he sung…That when he died…He was going straight to heaven. It didn't matter whatever Mello had been through, how many sins he had committed. Unlike me, he was going straight above the clouds.

"Well there was a time you would let me know, what's real and going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you? I remember when I moved in you, the holy dove was moving too, and every breath we drew was Hallelujah."

What the hell had my best friend been through to be able to sing like that…?

"Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who out drew you…"

Mello stopped singing altogether. His grip on my hand tightened and I looked at his face to see that it had become distorted with grief.

I gave a sad frown and bought my free gloved hand up to cup Mello's soft cheek, moving his face to look at mine. I smiled softly at him.

"Keep singing."

Mello was my angel.

The blond simply looked at me for a few seconds, before he began to finish his song.

"Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who out drew you…It's not a cry you can hear at night…it's not somebody who's seen the light…It's a cold…and it's a broken Hallelujah…Hallelujah, hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah..."

Mello was coldly silent after he finished the lyrics. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him, sensing his distress. He put his arms around me as well, holding my warm body close. My best friend was trembling softly.

Something cold suddenly landed on my head, followed by several more things. It took me a few seconds to realise that during the embrace, the sky had begun to cry rain drops. Had it been listening to Mello's pain?

We continued to hold each other safely.

The words of the song ran through my head, trying to put meaning to the lyrics.

_Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who out drew you…_

…Was that why he stopped at that line? Because…Julia…

Mello was a murderer.

Mello was an angel.

Mello was my angel.

That was the point I finally realised what my vocation in life was meant to be. I had to help Mello, no matter what it took and no matter the consequences. It was my purpose in life to make sure he was not harmed, and, listening to the way in which he had sung, proved that so far I wasn't doing a very good job.

I held onto my angel tightly as the rain continued to cry around us.

My fourth and last Angel, Mihael Keehl…Mello.

-x-

January 17th 2010

Things hadn't become any different between the both of us. The days, despite being filled with frequent pleasure, were still solemn.

It had rained lightly on and off for the past few days. Sometimes hard, and sometimes gentle…Heh. Kira, I sound like some kind of pervert.

It was on this particular day that Mello received a phone call.

He sat on his usual chair, hunched over as he listened to the mobile. His blond hair covered his face so I could not see his facial reactions, but his aura was one of desperation and dread.

Finally, he spoke, his voice sounding almost forced.

"By having his name written in the notebook…?"

I sat up slowly in our bed, the blankets pooling around my bare waist. A sensation of being watched overcame my body, but I knew it was because of Mello. He was probably looking at me from beneath his blond curtain, but I couldn't tell for sure.

Everything was silent. Even the rain in the outside world had momentarily stopped falling. I heard my heartbeat in my ears.

After what seemed like an eternity, my angel's voice broke the silence.

"Then I guess I'm going to have to do it." He hung up the phone and placed it down onto the armrest of the chair. Mello propped his elbows onto his thighs and clasped his hands together. He rested his chin on his fists and silently stared forward at nothing in particular.

I watched him, brushing a few strands of my brown hair out of my vision.

Mello finally looked over at me clearly. We stared at each other wordlessly for probably ten minutes; maybe less since time slows down when you aren't having fun.

He finally stood up, leaving his phone where it lay. "I need a shower. Alone."

I looked down and gave a slight nod. Wait…Why was I nodding? He didn't need my approval or anything if he wanted to take a shower…I stopped nodding as he disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Mello was using me. That was blatantly clear.

He was using me for sex (not that I didn't like it).

He was using me to capture Kira (not that I wouldn't help him anyway).

And he was using me to try and beat Near.

I lay back down on the bed, pulling the covers back over my body.

-x-

I was awoken when Mello lay down on the bed next to me. His gloveless fingers began to idly play with my brown hair.

"Matt…I need your help in order to capture Kira…" Mello moved closer to me, placing an arm lightly around my waist. "I know you're awake."

After a few seconds, I decided to open my once vibrant blue eyes. He watched me solemnly. "I'm with you till the end, Mello."

The blond pulled me close, burying his head in the crook of my neck.

What was he so distressed over?

Was he worried for his life, or the fact that he might lose to Near?

"Her real name was Marie…" I was silent, lacking understanding to what he was talking about. "Julia's real name was Marie…I found it out when I was looking her up on the internet…"

…Julia's real name was Marie. I didn't even question Mello about it.

How did Mello find that out though…? It didn't seem the kind of knowledge which one could simply find on the internet…Though, with Kira, names and faces were always available via the web…But Ju- Marie had never done anything to displease the lord…

"…What do you need my help for?"

"…We're going to kidnap Kiyomi Takada."


	14. Part 14

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 14

January 19th 2010

7 days until death day.

"So what was the plan again?"

Mello gave an annoyed sigh. "I've already explained it three times. Whatever. Okay, we're going to kidnap Takada. She should be arriving at the NHN main building at the time Halle specified. You arrive in a car and fire a smoke bomb into the group of people to cause a diversion. The guards will come after you, so make sure you lose them. During the confusion, I kidnap Takada by taking her on my motorbike. I'll have a delivery truck nearby to contain her. I'll make her strip naked to make sure that she doesn't have any tracking devices hidden on her. The-"

"Isn't that a bit cruel?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, making her strip naked…"

Mello gave an annoyed sigh and stood up. He pulled the white cloth from over a piece of furniture, revealing an old hat rack from beneath. "Fine. I'll give her this to use as a blanket." I nodded and he dropped the blanket onto the floor carelessly. Mello walked back over to me, lying down on the bed once more. "I'll take her to the main export building to dispose of her clothes. You have 3 minutes to meet me there at 1:26pm. No more, no less. If you haven't shaken the guards away by that time, then don't go anywhere near there. If you have shaken them and you're there when I am, then I will need you to sit in the back of the truck with Takada to keep an eye on her."

I nodded.

If I got in too much trouble with the bodyguards, I could probably call Near on my mobile…He would most likely help to divert them. He owed me.

Mello continued speaking.

"I'll take her to the church, which will be our base for a couple of days. We can question her to find out what she knows about Kira."

"But what if she doesn't have any relevant information?"

"Oh, she'll have relevant information. I'm positive. And if she doesn't want to talk…Then we'll just have to get out the Silver Bells, Cockleshells and Maids all in a row."

He smirked psychotically wide at me. I realised he had used a line from the nursery rhyme Mary Mary Quite Contrary.

_Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary,_

_How does your garden grow?_

_With Silver Bells, and Cockleshells,_

_And Maids all in a row._

…

Such a bloody song…To make it short, Silver Bells and Cockleshells were torture devices. So called 'Maids' referred to Guillotines and Iron Maidens.

If Takada refused to speak, he would just force the information out of her.

So that was the plan which led to the death of my self; and my poor sinful angel.

-x-

January 21st 2010

5 days til death.

"Tell me that you know how to fire a gun."

I looked between the two firearms which sat neatly in my hands. One was a handgun, already full of bullets. The other was a smoke gun, which had three smokebombs. It held one at a time, and the other two I had placed in my jacket pockets. "I've played a lot of games with guns in, so I know to pull the trigger, and all that jazz."

"Come on. We'll take a trip to the church so you know the route. It's a pretty secluded place so we can practise firing there."

-x-

He pulled the new red car up the front driveway. The abandoned church stood gallantly. The number of Christians within the world had diminished tremendously ever since Kira had appeared. I don't know if Mello was a Christian, or if he just wore the crucifix to simply defy Kira.

I never asked, so I never found out.

"This is the place." He stopped the car and we both got out. While Mello had been driving, I had been memorising the route he had taken to get to the church grounds.

I took my leather cigarette case from my pocket, pulling a fresh death stick out of it. Mello looked at me with slight disapproval, but merely warned me not to accidentally set the place on fire.

Heh, irony.

For about an hour, Mello showed me how to shoot the handgun. He then instructed me on how to use the smoke gun to make a smoke screen, causing me to use up one of the three shells.

I loaded the second smokebomb into the gun, ready for use on the 26th. My death day.

-x-

January 23rd 2010

My phone began to go off early in the morning. Mello gave a growl and stood up, intending to answer it. I was about to make a move to stop him, but it was already too late.

"Who is this?" …Mello's eyes suddenly widened. "Near? What are you d-…" The blond silently listened to the phone. After a few seconds he hung up, indifferently. He stared down at the device for a few seconds, and I watched him soundlessly.

Mello suddenly snapped, and hurled my phone abruptly across the room. It slammed into the wall and broke into two or three pieces.

Well, there goes my back up plan to ask Near to help me lose the guards if I got into trouble…

Mello turned to me. Rage was not a strong enough emotion to describe the look on my best friend's face as his eyes met mine.

"You…YOU'VE BEEN IN CONTACT WITH NEAR THIS WHOLE TIME?"

I just looked at him without a word. Sure I had been in contact with Near; but I hadn't talked to him since I had told the albino that I had been in New York.

Mello sneered and stormed to the door. Seeing this, I quickly scrambled out of bed (luckily I was wearing boxers) and grabbed onto his wrist. Within a few seconds, my best friend had turned his body 180 degrees and punched my left eye hard with his right fist. I still didn't let go of his hand. Mello gripped onto my throat. I could feel his finger tips bruising my pale skin as he lifted me a foot into the air. I still would not relinquish his hand, or try to stop my angel from trying to kill me.

I would rather die right here than have him leave me again.

Mello finally let go of my neck, probably realising that he needed me for his plan to succeed. I stumbled forward as my feet hit the floor once more and flung my arms around him, holding my best friend close. Mello fought against my grip for about a minute, but soon gave up the struggle, letting me hold him. We both collapsed onto our knees. My best friend put his arms around me as well, and I felt his body shaking softly…No, both of us were trembling.

"I haven't spoken to him since we reunited. He helped me find you."

Mello didn't reply, we just continued to hold each other. I knew that the blond would have snapped sooner or later. He had been bottling up his emotions the past few days.

This plan put both of us in danger. Mello assured me that I wouldn't die, but my best friend had no one to guarantee his safety…

"We'll be okay, Mello. I swear that I will protect you, no matter what."

I tried to keep that promise, I truly did, but I unfortunately could not.

-x-

'When I die, I'm not going to go to heaven.' That's what I always told myself. Some ways I was right, and in some ways I was wrong…

'Mother, Mercy and Marie are probably already there, all three waiting to chastise me for killing them.

When Mello died, he would join them in heaven.

Angels go to heaven.'

I wasn't an angel.

I would stay down on Earth. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that L's spirit would have to suffer an eternity in the waking world as well. I was sort of wrong about that though.

Deep down I knew that Kira wasn't a real god, but I held him in such high regards none the less.

…By helping Mello, I was turning against my own beliefs…Against my own people…Against my own God.

…

L told me that that was the reason I wasn't going to There…That Mello was the reason I stayed Here…And yet I still blamed L for all of my misfortunes. Along with myself.

Heh…Heh…Ha…Ha ha ha! Haa haa haaa! Heh heh ha!

Why am I laughing? Heh heh! I'm going to suffer for eternity! Ha ha ha! And yet I'm laughing!

Defitaliation. A new word invented by my own mind.

Definition- A desperate laugh. 'Look at her defitaliation!' 'He would Defitaliate until his lungs burst!'

I was going to die!

-x-

January 24th 2010

I had a black eye from where Mello had punched me yesterday. Fortunately, the bruise was inconspicuous when I wore my goggles. As per usual, my angel didn't apologize or show any remorse.

I had, uncharacteristically, slipped off to the roof garden without Mello so much as noticing. Of course he wouldn't have cared anyway…I hoped.

The garden was even more beautiful in the day time.

"Oh, hello Matt!"

Huh? I looked to see the old Japanese woman tending to a patch of several sunflowers. She smiled at me, revealing that she was missing her two front teeth.

I smiled back and walked over to the sunflowers, crouching down next to her.

"You have a very nice garden here-…Ummm…"

"Oh!" She laughed. "I haven't personally introduced myself! Sorry, Pet, my name is Louison!"

…

Why in the name of Kira did a Japanese woman have a French name?

I didn't voice this question.

"As I was saying, you have a beautiful garden, Louison."

"Why thank you! My husband and I have been living here for over 15 years! He gets terribly busy, what with all the sewing and cutting he has to do! It makes me ever so bored. One day I came up to watch the sunset, and I actually saw a weed growing. All the way up here! That's what gave me the idea! I've become quite the gardener!"

"Why didn't you just get a TV, or a Game Boy to entertain you?"

"My husband doesn't like technology. We don't own a TV, or very many electrical appliances. Now enough about me, what about you, Pet? You and your friend out travelling? Oh! I bet your parents are worried SICK!"

"Heh," I smiled at her, "we're both orphans. My mother died during childbirth and my father left me at the hospital. The nurse who became my guardian died when I was young, so I spent most of my life in an orphanage."

She was silent for a few seconds, trying to think of something to say. "I'm sorry to hear that…"

"It's okay. I wouldn't be the person I was today if it hadn't of happened."

…

The woman smiled at me and nodded.

"So, do you have a special girl in your life?"

"I did."

"Awww. Did she dump you or something?"

"Something like that." I gave a shrug. I above all people knew when it was best not to talk.

She nodded. "Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea, Pet!" I nodded in response. "What about you and Mello?" She laughed. "Just kidding! You don't look the homosexual type in the least! You're too adorable. I'm sure that you'll make a lucky girl very happy some day!"

I laughed softly. That was when I felt Louison pull my goggles up from over my eyes.

"But I don't know WHY you possibly wear these silly things! You look much better without them o-" She stopped as my black eye became revealed. Louison gasped. "W-what happened, Pet?"

I smiled at her. "Oh, it's nothing. I just got on Mello's bad side is all."

"But what could you have possibly done to make him need to hit you?"

"I stopped him from leaving me again. You see-"

"Matt."

I quickly moved my goggles back down before Mello saw them off and straightened up. The blond walked next to me, giving a soft glare.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Oh, I just wanted to get some fresh air."

"Since when do _you_ want fresh air?"

"Oh, it's my fault." Louison straightened up off of the ground where she had been planting a few sunflower seeds. "I asked Matt here if he would be as much as a gentleman to keep a poor old lady company, and lend me a hand to sow some seeds."

Mello gave her a critical look for a few seconds. The blond turned back to me. "Whatever. Matt, we have things to plan. Walks over, so be a good dog and do what your Master wants." He turned and started towards the door which led to the stairwell.

"…Matt…" she kept her voice low. "I recommend you find a better friend…"

I smiled at her. "Don't worry, he isn't usually this bad. He's just troubled."

"…" Louison gave a slight, unsure nod.

She had just taken top spot on my list of truly genuine friendly people. Unfortunately I could already tell that she was going straight to hell.

"Thank you, Louison."

"…Good luck, Pet."

I turned and caught up to my fourth angel as he had begun to walk down the stairs. He immediately slapped me hard across the face. Not strong enough to leave a bruise, but it still stung and my cheek would be red for a few hours. Mello then began to pet my brown hair.

"Good dog."

I guess I was a dog after all, following my master stupidly to my own demise. Man's best friend indeed.


	15. Part 15

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 15

January 25th 2010

My last full day on Earth…While I was Alive, that is.

My whole name was Mail Matthew Jeevas.

…I had to say that, just in case you forgot what my real name was. Heh, I mean, it's been ages since I really used it.

My best friend sat on his usual chair, while I lay in the bed with only my boxers on.

"Matt." I looked over at Mello. He was on the laptop, but had finally stopped typing. "If I die tomorrow, I need you to send the file LABBMC to Halle, telling her to give it to Near and to not read it herself…Her email address is written at the very start of the file. Just read that line, and don't read the rest…"

"What if I die as well?"

Mello frowned slightly. "You won't die, Matt."

"…I could set up a timer for it, if you want. If you don't alter the document for a certain period of time, then it will automatically send to a certain email address or mobile."

Mello was silent for a few seconds, before standing up and bringing me the computer. "You won't die, but just in case you are unable to get back here."

I nodded and took the laptop from my best friend, beginning to go through the mundane, yet entertaining, task. After only a few minutes, I had managed to set it up. "I just need a time to set it to."

"Have it sent on the 28th of January, 2010. One o'clock."

I nodded and set the date.

-x-

Mello and I both sat on our two separate chairs. My best friend on the brown, my self on the yellow.

He had turned the laptop off, and it now sat open on the table. Mello was looking down solemnly at the floor, while I was watching him.

The room was quiet. This would be our last night together, but either we didn't know it was, or neither would admit it.

Mello bought the chocolate to his mouth, but stopped before it reached its destination. He looked at it blankly for a few seconds, before placing his addiction down onto the table.

We both looked at it soundlessly. "You won't die, Matt…"

"I will make sure that you don't die either, Mello…I swear I won't let you."

A soft smile finally fell onto my best friends lips, but it was still sad. "Somehow that doesn't make me feel any safer…" His smile fell. "I wonder what Hell will be like…"

"Trust me, Mello; you're not going to Hell. When you die, which is going to be a long time away, you're going straight to Heaven; or wherever good people go when they die…"

"Do you still hate L?"

"Yes. I'll be seeing him when I die, though."

Mello's eyes slipped from the chocolate to my own, which were hidden behind my goggles. "Huh?"

I smiled at my best friend innocently. "When I die, unlike you, I'm going to be sticking around the earth for the rest of eternity. I'm sure that L's ghost is walking around somewhere as well, I'm bound to run into him sooner or later."

Mello frowned at me. "And you're just going to accept that? You aren't even going to TRY and change?" Mello pulled the crucifix from his neck and held the cross in the air. "What's this?"

"A crucifix."

"No! This is a sign against Kira! Take it." I took it. "Now say that you don't believe that Kira is a god!"

"I don't believe that Kira is a god."

He snatched the crucifix back up and put the rosary around his neck once more. Mello stood up and slapped me hard across the face. "So you just abandoned your faith because I told you to?"

I didn't make a sound. Mello slapped me again on the opposite cheek. My face was stinging as his cold leather hands hit hard.

Still I did not speak.

"Stand up, Dog."

I stood up.

Mello kicked me hard in the gut. I crumpled to the floor but soon stood back up as I always did. This resulted in my angel kicking me again, causing me to fall once more. I stood. I was forced back down. I stood. I was beaten. I stood. I was pummelled. I stood. Mello snarled at me and latched one hand onto my left shoulder, and the other onto my right hip. He bent me over and kneed me hard in the stomach. I fell to my knees and began to gasp for air. Breathing had suddenly become difficult. I concluded that Mello had knocked the air out of my lungs.

Saliva was running from my lips as I tried to catch my breath.

My angel didn't seem to care. He just sneered and called me pathetic before disappearing into the bathroom.

I had to place one hand on the floor just to keep myself from falling again. My body was in pain. I was never fond of pain.

I wasn't very much aware of anything, just a loud thud as I lost my balance and hit the floor. It wasn't long till I blacked out altogether.

-x-

When I woke up several hours later, I felt something warm on my cheek.

I opened my eyes to see that I was in the bed, and Mello wasn't pressed against my chest. Oh well. My hand went up to my cheek. Someone had taken my gloves off while I had been asleep. My fingertips felt something warm and wet.

I pulled my hand away to look at it. Despite the poor lighting, I was able to see that a crimson liquid rested on my fingers. Blood.

Why did I have blood on me?

My body was still aching from the beating I had taken, but I couldn't remember getting any open wounds.

I wiped my cheek, too tired to care.

-x-

January 26th 2010

My death day.

It wasn't like the kind of experience you would expect in a romance book. We didn't spend the last morning of our lives having sex, telling each other that we loved each other repeatedly, apologizing for whatever you may have done, more sex though after the confession it could be called 'Making Love'. I bet you were expecting our last morning to be this way, despite the fact that this was Mello and I you were thinking about. So the only one I am apologizing to is you. My story is not a romance novel, even if you may have mistaken it for one…I guess in some kind of twisted way it could be called a romance, but simply because of the fact that there is sex in it. Heh. I'm off topic. To make it short, our last morning together wasn't romantic in the least; in fact, it served only to traumatize the both of us more.

When I woke up, Mello still wasn't in the bed.

I sat up, stretching slightly. For some reason I didn't have my shirt, gloves or goggles on (though I was still wearing my jeans and oddly my boots).

My body was covered in sickly bruises. There was a snapping sound, and I looked up. Mello sat curled in the corner, eating a chocolate bar. He was staring sightlessly into the distance.

I frowned. Something red through my peripheral vision caught my attention. I turned my head, shocked at what I found.

The bloody bodies of Louison and her husband lay to the left of the bed. Blood was splattered everywhere, even on the bed sheets. Both bodies had several bullet holes through them.

A soft song suddenly caught my notice.

"Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you. She tied you to a kitchen chair, and she broke your throne and she cut your hair; and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah."

It was Mello's voice. I listened to him sing. He continued on with the song, and I found myself fazing in and out of the lyrics.

"Maybe there's a God above, and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who out drew you…It's not a cry you can hear at night…it's not somebody who's seen the light…It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah…Hallelujah, hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah..."

I wanted to cry. All of the emotions which had built up over the past 19 years of my life were becoming unravelled. I hadn't cried since I was a baby. My body shook with grief as Mello began to repeatedly sing the word 'Hallelujah', long after the song was supposed to finish.

I soundlessly stood up. Mello didn't look at me. I found my faux fur vest. From it I pulled two things. One was the leather case of cigarettes. The other was my once beloved, now useless, Game Boy Colour.

I took a cigarette from the leather cigarette case out. It was the second last death stick. Soon it was in my mouth and lit.

My eyesight returned to the Game Boy Colour. I looked back at the bodies of the two harmless old couple. So much blood. I looked back at my primitive gaming device. Memories of Mercy flashed in front of my eyes. So much blood.

It was all my fault. They were dead because of me.

Mother. Mercy. Marie. L. Wammy. Louison. Her Husband.

I dropped the stupid Game Boy onto the floor. As it hit the ground, the carefully made glass of the lens cracked.

I removed the cigarette from my lips. Mello had started the song over again. I opened my mouth and for the first time ever, I joined in the angel's music.

"To those who seek of Kira's light,

You all must join in the fight.

My message to those who've soared,

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World."

The pain behind Mello's words seemed like nothing compared to the emotion behind my own voice. I couldn't see how that was possible, but I kept on singing.

"Perhaps if we do sing our life,

We will never live in strife,

Sing of all those we adored

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World."

Both Mello and I sang. He sang of his God, and I sang of mine.

"So the criminals will be slain,

All theirs sins shall end in shame,

And their cries will be ignored,

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World."

Mello's voice disappeared as he listened to my own. Everyone knows that the caged bird's song is sadder than the one which was free.

"Oh, look at us standing here,

Oh, look at us without a fear.

We will sing a song of our Lord,

As we are all led toward,

Kira's Dazzling World."

There was silence after that. My angel dropped the chocolate and stood up. He walked over to me and put his arms about my bruised body. It was as if he were trying to comfort me. I put my arms around him as well, burying my head in the crook of his neck as my cigarette slipped from my lips and onto the floor. "…" I wanted to ask Mello why he had killed them. I couldn't verbally do so, but my best friend seemed to have worked it out.

"They had come into the room when I was in the shower. The woman was looking over your bruises. I overheard them talking about an ambulance and the police. The man was about to leave the room when I had gotten out of the bathroom. I always have the gun on me. I aimed the gun at the man and asked them what they were doing. The man made a move to run out the door, so I shot him. The woman screamed, so I shot her. I paused for several seconds, before shooting them several more times to make sure they were dead." I nodded softly and asked him what the time was. "9am. We need to get ready. Today is the day…This is what happens to people when they support a false God. They die."

I wanted to tell Mello that everybody dies someday, whatever race, gender or religion…Mello hadn't killed people, he had simply shortened their lives. That was all. It was his f-…My fault that their lives had ended, not some supernatural, godly force.

People would not be protected unless it was by the acts of something real. When Mello had fired the gun at them, they would have died whatever religion they followed.

The power was in the holder of the weapon, not the holder of beliefs…

Sadly, I was a holder of beliefs, while Mello was the holder of a weapon.

Instead of conveying this to my best friend, I gave a soundless nod and we both split apart. I found my shirt, gloves and lastly my goggles. Once I had rounded them up, I went to the bathroom to take a final shower.

-x-

It was now 12:34am.

Not that I knew this at the time.

"She never loved you Matt." I stood still. "And you never loved her." I was silent…But…I could have sworn that I had loved her… "You didn't love her. That's the truth. Tell me you didn't love her!"

But…I was sure that I had been in love, and the way she had acted made me think she had loved me…Marie…Julia…

"Well, Matt? Say it already."

"I didn't love her."

I was nothing anymore…Mello had destroyed my will and my confidence. I was nothing but a puppet, blind to my own strings.

"Good."

Is that what you wanted Mello? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? YOU WANTED ME TO BE JUST SOME WORTHLESS PUPPET! SOMETHING SIMPLY DISPOSABLE WHEN I HAD LOST ALL MY WORTH! You, my best friend, were an extremely despicable human. The worst I had ever known. You should have burnt alive in hell…No. You should have been forced to stay Here, like I was. But _no_. You had to be better than me even after death, so you went There.

…I feel so alone…Like I'm trapped in my box once more, but the walls have turned dark. A glimmer of my former self sits there, lonely and forever crying…And I had actually wondered why my voice was so damn miserable. I was a better person than you, Mello, but unfortunately by the time I realised it, I was already dead.

The plan would soon be initiated, and my short unhappy life would curtly come to an end.


	16. Part 16

The Short Unhappy Life of Mail Jeevas

Part 16

The plan would begin at 1:00pm.

We both stood on the rooftop of the building. Without Louison, all these plants would probably die soon. But hey, they would live after I was dead at least.

Mello and I were silent, just watching the world go by below. My best friend opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. He turned his head to the right, looking away from both me and the world. "Is everything set up?"

"Yes. The delivery truck is where you wanted it and I've made sure that there hasn't been any time changes."

Mello nodded soundlessly and looked back to the street. "Let's go then."

-x-

We now stood on the uncrowded footpath. Both Mello's motorcycle and my new red car sat only a few feet away.

This would be our last moment together, but we thought otherwise. "I'll see you at the export company building. 1:26pm."

I nodded and he turned to go to his motorcycle. Before he had the chance, I swiftly pulled my best friend to my chest. I wrapped one arm around his waist, and the other was around Mello's shoulders.

He immediately put his arms around my neck. We held each other close. Why hadn't we held one another more often? To me it was more intimate than sex and romance combined. We had our faces resting against each others neck, loving the tender warmth that only flesh could provide. "Mello…I'm sorry for everything…"

I deserved to get beaten like a dog. Mello was always right, so if he hit me, the only one to blame would be my self. I deserved to get pummelled till I was unconscious. I deserved to have everyone I cared for die. I deserved to have no future. I don't even know why Mello wanted me as his best friend. I was a failure. I was always wrong.

I remembered something that Near had once told me just before I left Wammy's House.

_If you're wrong, you just have to say 'Sorry'._

So that was why I was apologizing.

I was worthless. I deserved to die.

One of Mello's hands moved to my right bicep, squeezing my bruised flesh hard. I winced but didn't object. Mello knew best, so he could punish me.

"What did I tell you about saying sorry?"

_No use in apologizing, idiot, you can't change anything. Saying 'Sorry' or asking for 'Forgiveness' won't change a fucking thing._

…

Mello pulled away from me and released my bruised flesh. He gave me a cold expression, and sneered. "Whatever. We got a job to do. Do you have everything?"

"Smoke gun and handgun. Check."

"Do you remember where you're supposed to go?"

"NHN main building. Just as Takada arrives."

"And you're going to meet-"

"1:26pm at the export company."

Mello slapped me hard across the face. "Don't interrupt me." I opened my mouth to apologize, but quickly stopped as I remembered what my angel had told me about saying 'sorry'. "You're not even going to apologize?" My best friend slapped me again. I flinched and said 'Sorry'. He slapped me again. "What did I say about apologizing?" I was silent. He sneered. "Whatever. Remember, I'll only be at the shipping company for 3 minutes at the most. Be there or else."

I gave a silent nod.

My best friend gave me a critical look up and down. All of my bruises were hidden beneath my long sleeved striped shirt and faux fur vest. The fur of the jacket hid the dark bruises on my neck. My black eye was hidden beneath my orange tinted goggles.

"Let's go."

I nodded once more and he turned, walking over to his motorbike. Mello put his helmet on as he sat upon the leather seat. My best friend revved the engine and was soon speeding down the street. I watched him as he drove to his death.

My own leather clad hands rubbed against my reddened cheeks as I began to make my way over to the bright red car. I slipped the handgun into the back of my faux fur vest so I could pull it out at a moments notice. The smoke gun was placed next to me on the passenger seat. When we beat my god, Kira, I would work up the courage to ask Mello all of the questions which buzzed in my idle mind.

The first question would be "Do you love me?"

As I have told you earlier, I didn't love Mello, but that doesn't mean that the feeling was mutual.

I would ask him, and he would answer. After we defeated Kira together, I'd ask my angel everything I wanted to know.

-x-

I had only 15 minutes to drive all the way to the NHN building, but I made it in time.

From my pocket I took out my leather cigarette case. Using one hand, I managed to open it to retrieve my very last cigarette. I pulled it out of the case using my teeth and placed the leather back into my pocket. The car had a cigarette lighter, as most (if not all) cars did. I took it out and used the hot metal to light my death stick. No longer was my mind plagued with any doubts.

From the road, I could see all the people cheering as the woman I despised stepped out of her car. There were so many bodyguards, but I could take 'em. I could take them all on and still come out victorious.

I drove the car into the parking lot, swerving it to the side. With my cigarette hanging from my mouth, I pointed the smoke gun at the crowd and pressed down on the trigger. My second last shell flew out of the weapon and exploded on contact with the ground. Everything became cloudy as I knew it would.

"IT'S A REBEL!"

"PROTECT LADY TAKADA!"

My tires screeched as I drove back out onto the road. 12 black cars began to follow behind. Good. Distract them so Mello could kidnap Kiyomi.

I drove fast, probably twice the speed limit, if not more. The cigarette continued to burn as I savoured its smoke.

Adrenalin burned in my veins.

My car dodged traffic. Blue cars, silver cars, yellow cars, black cars. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right.

Try to shake off the guards.

I had lost a few, but 6 were still in pursuit.

Left turn. Right. Left. Left. Right. Dodge that person. Left.

Final right.

I swerved to avoid a yellow and red vehicle.

My eyes widened as the 6 cars I thought I'd lost came rushing up towards my own car.

"Damn! The cars got ahead of me! How many bodyguards does Takada have?"

They stopped in the middle of the road, forming a blockade. I had no choice but to hit the breaks.

This was not going as planned. It would soon be 1:26, and if I wasn't there Mello would be angry with me, which would probably result in another beating.

The six cars which had been following behind me halted as well. I found myself in the centre of a ring of black vehicles.

Dammit.

I took a drag of my cigarette.

"I'll have to use the smoke screen again."

The men got out of their cars. There were 13 men who got out, though some stayed in their vehicles, so I don't know the total number of bodyguards.

Adrenalin still ran in my veins, making me feel like I was immortal. This made me arrogant.

Without thinking, I got out of the car.

"Come on, since when were the Japanese allowed to carry big guns like that?" The smoke gun was still in my hand. I would be alright. "Listen, I'm connected to Takada's kidnapper. You've probably got a lot to ask me." I pulled down on the trigger to find nothing happen. Wait…It didn't have any smokebombs left inside of the weapon because I hadn't remembered to reload it. I didn't falter, but I didn't think about what I said next. That was the biggest mistake of my entire life.

"You won't shoo-"

I never finished my final words.

More than 24 bullets were fired. The men hit my car more than they hit me.

At least 12 bullets had struck my body.

Somewhere within the chaos, I faintly noticed the left lens of my goggles had cracked. When had that happened?

Mello would kill me for getting myself killed.

It wasn't until after I was dead that I realised that that thought was completely stupid.

For the last time in my life, I fell back onto the ground, cigarette still in my parted lips.

"Idiot. I doubt he would have said anything important anyway. Death is the only way to pay for crimes against Kira."

-x-

It's kind of ironic, isn't it?

I was killed with the thought that I was against Kira. I was never against Kira; I was just doing what Mello told me to do…

Mello knew best.

-x-

As always, I stood back up.

Huh?

The bodyguards didn't react in the least. "Let's get this body to the police station."

I blinked at them softly, not really noticing that I no longer wore my goggles. Body? Slowly I turned around to see that I was _still_ lying on the floor. I looked both shocked and solemnly at my body. Then at my self. I appeared to be just as solid, but for some reason nobody saw me. I pulled the glove from my hand and bent down next to my body. My bare palm rested against my still warm cheek and I peered through the orange veil of the goggles, which my dead body still wore, at the eyes below. They were closed, as if the young man they belonged to was merely sleeping.

My hand slipped down to one of the patches of blood which stained my vest. My fingertips felt the hot liquid life, but when I pulled them away my digits were clean.

That was when I became aware of a voice.

_You better be there, Matt._

It was Mello's voice. My angel.

I straightened up and began to run. I ran away from my body, away from the guards, and toward the shipping station.

As I ran I did not tire. I needed to help Mello. I promised him. I promised him.

I promised him.

-x-

I got there, breathless (which was really because I didn't breathe at all). Mello was there. He was getting out the back of a truck, carrying a box. I ran, slipped past my best friend and got into the truck before he closed the door.

Apparently, I couldn't phase through objects. What kind of a ghost was I?

Takada sat there with a blanket wrapped around her.

My job was to make sure she didn't do anything. Even if I were dead, I would still do my job.

_Where is he? That idiot was supposed to show up here…Maybe that little traitor has ran off to Near. It would seem the kind of thing he would do._

I listened sadly to Mello's thoughts. He really thought of me like that?

…

I sat down cross-legged on the truck's floor, opposite side from Kiyomi.

Strike one- I killed my Mother

Strike two- I killed Mercy

Strike three- I killed L

Strike four- I killed Wammy

Strike five- I raped my best friend

Strike six- I couldn't stop Mello from leaving

Strike seven- I killed Jul-…Marie

Strike eight- I killed Louison

Strike nine- I killed her husband

…

A new voice entered my mind.

_Hmmm…Mail has died…That is unfortunate…It wasn't like him to act so recklessly, so the only conclusion__ is that Mello is the one who kidnapped Takada…_

That was Near's voice.

_Should I notify Light Yagami __of this? I guess I should, I would like to see what he is going to do in a situation like this…_

The voice disappeared.

I looked down at my leather clad hands.

I was nothing but a pawn. In Mello's plan, and in Near's plan. It all made sense now…That was why Near had been so co-operative to help me find Mello. He knew that without help, it would be overly difficult for the blond to do anything.

A wave of grief ran through my body…Can I even call it my body?

I didn't even notice the truck begin to shake as my best friend started the engine, nor had a realised that instead of three minutes, he had actually waited four.

So many emotions. Anger. Betrayal. Hate.

I HATED NEAR! I HATED MELLO! AND MOST OF ALL I HATED-

_Matt…_

I was cut off from my emotions as I heard Mello's voice. It was different…The feeling of loss was imminent in the very tone of my angel's voice.

_I never thought you'd be killed…Forgive me…_

As I heard Mello think those last two words, my entire world stopped.

I remembered something that Near had told me an entire lifetime ago.

_If you're wrong, you just have to say 'Sorry'_

And then something Mello had said.

_No use in apologizing, idiot, you can't change anything. Saying 'Sorry' or asking for 'Forgivenes__s' won't change a fucking thing_

…They were both hypocrites…

How many times had Near apologized without a single feeling of guilt?

How many times had Mello mentally apologized for something he had done wrong?

That was when it finally struck me.

Not once in my life had I ever deserved to get hurt. I hadn't deserved to get beaten, pummelled, slapped, or taken advantage of.

Not once.

I was a Human Being, not a Dog.

Mello didn't know what was best for me. He didn't even know what was best for him self.

I had followed him blindly to my own death.

Hell, if I hadn't have reunited with him, I could have lived a perfectly normal life with Marie. The future I had always dreamed of.

…

I couldn't find myself able to regret what I had done.

That's when I became aware that Takada had a piece of paper and a pencil clutched in her hand. My eyes widened. A piece of Death Note. She had a piece of Death Note. Mello was in danger.

I stood up. The light suddenly disappeared and I knew that my friend had just driven the truck into the church. A sharp pain ran through my body and I blacked out.

-x-

Strike ten- I killed Mihael Keehl.

When I awoke I was on the ground outside the church. I sat up and my eyes widened. The whole place was on fire.

I couldn't find myself to stand up this time. The angels kept me from going closer to the church.

I watched as firemen tried to put out the blaze.

"It's a shame really."

Huh? I turned and saw a figure I easily recognised even though I had only seen the man once in a photograph.

L.

He stood, watching the church burn down with his panda like eyes, completely unfazed.

"You'll have to stay here forever. There is no way to avenge your death. As for my self, once Light Yagami is bought to justice, I will go to the land beyond."

I stared at the ghost, and opened my mouth to speak. No words would come out, no matter how much I wished that they would.

He continued to watch the fire, his eyes unblinking.

"You know, there is no Heaven, nor is there Hell. There is just Here, and There. We are Here; they are There. Instead of blaming me for all of your misfortunes, you should have blamed Mello. He was the reason." His voice was emotionless as he talked. "But, unlike you, he has gone to There. He followed what he thought was right. You, on the other hand, gave up your own beliefs so easily because he told you to. I know all about your jealousy of me. That's the reason why you hated my guts."

I listened silently as the angel monotonously chided my path in life.

My hands slipped into my pockets. I felt a hole in the material which I had never noticed before and delved inside of it. From the lining of my vest I had pulled two items I had long forgotten.

One was a black dice, and the other was a small figurine of my self. I remember that Near had given them both to me almost exactly 3 years ago. Ever since then, I had lost them.

I let go of the two items. They hit the ground slowly. The figurine landed on its back, and the dice showed a number 4. Not a second later, both items turned to dust.

"…You may go to There someday…You may even meet Mihael again…But until then, you will have to stay Here."

And that was that.

As soon as the fire was extinguished, L's ghost simply walked away from where I sat.

There was no happy ending to my short, unhappy life.

Now I had nearly nothing. Mello was There; probably forgetting all about his best friend, who had stuck by his side through trauma, beatings and even death. He probably had already forgotten the name Mail Jeevas, and the short unhappy life which I lived.

And you'll forget all about me one day as well. Of that I am positive. But I thank you for listening to the story of my life.

So as I told you at the start as to how this would end.

My name is Mail Jeevas, and I was killed when I was 19 years old on the 26th of January, 2010. It was a Sunday, 6 sleeps away from my 20th birthday.

I hope that you all live a long and happy time. And after you die, I hope you all go to There. Those who don't go There though…Then I will meet you Here, and I will listen to the story of your hopefully Happy Life, no matter how long it may be.

Thus concludes my Short, Unhappy Life.

…Actually…I can't really call my life short…No one can call their life short, because it is the longest thing they ever get.

And now all I have left are my Memories, my Love, and my Voice.

Yours truly, Mail Matthew Jeevas.


End file.
